be nice; don't be a dick; be a dick

My name is paul wheaton.  I'm a little bit famous.  But there is a famouser wheaton, wil wheaton, and his catch phrase is:




And it turns out that Jesus says this too:



Jesus is freaky awesome, so surely this must be THE path.  Right?

And then when I was fishing for these images, I came across this one:



And as everyone who has ever posted here knows, our full rule set for using these forums is "be nice".  So it looks like jesus, wil and i say the exact same thing.  Profound.

---

Long, long ago ... in a land ... well ... in missoula ....  I worked as a software engineer.  All the engineers had cubes and I was closest to the pathetic bathroom which didn't have a fan.  

There were .... odors ....  powerful odors.  My desk was placed optimally as closest to the break room and furthest from the door to the outside where the cold montana winds blew.  But it had this one downside - the stench.  

Somebody put a can of lysol in the bathroom.   This empowered well meaning people to enhance the stench of shit into a mix of shit and lysol.  Twice as powerful.   I think this might be the definition of "toxic shitstorm."

In this office was a really nice guy named Tom.  One time I was in a pretty serious nerf gun war with somebody and Tom ended up as an accidental casualty of war.   He said "Dammit Wheaton you URINE-HEAD!"  That was the first time I ever heard the phrase "urine-head".  I think I used it about a thousand times since then.  Poetry.  Tom is always great at expanding my cultural horizons in this way.  

So I hid the lysol.  It was the right thing to do.  Tom said "where the fuck is the lysol?" "I hid it."  Tom very clearly and carefully explained to me "don't be a dick."  I clearly and carefully explained to him my position: "YOU don't be a dick."  

Could it be that dick-a-tude is not just relative and subjective, but also reflective?  

I walked over to a nearby store and bought "air freshener" spray (which is a marketing spin on "cover the stink with vanilla").  Through the mighty power of chemistry, the smell of poop lost in the great vanilla war.   I could feel the wind tugging on my cape as I stood tall on my pedestal of awesome problem solving.  I was prepared to receive the nobel peace prize and roses at the foot of my amazing pedestal when tom said "you're still a dick."  

As the years passed, there was a massive parade of people that endorsed tom's analysis.  Girlfriends, one wife (now ex-wife), my own children, other children, dozens of co-workers, strangers ....  the internet has proven to be a great facilitator to thousands to convey this message.  I would like to take this moment to thank Jesus for never pointing directly at me and calling me a dick, that would have been a sad day.

It seems that the body of evidence is rather profound.  I suppose I should take my lumps, carve out a little, dark corner somewhere and remove myself from society for the betterment of the world.  

A few interesting bits and bobs to add:

1 - in each instance that i was called a dick, I thought the person with "dick" on their lips was an even bigger dick! (HA HA - "dick on their lips")

2 - for each of those people, it seems that they, too, had a parade of people with analysis similar to mine.  

3 - is it possible that everybody in the whole wide world has been called a dick?  (helpful tip:  a thesaurus could be used to make sure nobody gets left out)

4 - if dick-a-tude is reflective, then wouldn't that mean that wil wheaton, who is famous for saying "don't be a dick", has more people pointing back at him saying the same thing? Like, more than average.   Maybe Wil Wheaton is more dick-ish than the average person because the votes are in?


I have written recently that the following is the root of all of human history and 90% of human psychology:

Most people NEED to hear their own opinion from all other people and are frustrated that they don't have the might to make it "right."  

I wonder if somebody has the gall to utter an opinion that is contrary to what the listener wants to hear, if the response might be "don't be a dick".  

Maybe one possible interpretation for "don't be a dick" is "Your behavior is outside the realm of what I allow."  Could it be a command for obedience?  "Stop what you are doing and embrace doing what I tell you."  A sort of master/slave relationship.   And whenever somebody attempts to engage this master/slave relationship on somebody, the other party naturally expresses "*I* am NOT your fucking slave.  YOU are MY slave!  OBEY MY WORDS!"  

It's a dick-off.   A battle that has happend trillions of times throughout history.  


I now propose that "don't be a dick" is a mediocre jedi mind trick.   Easy to adopt.  I suspect that it does work at times which is what makes it mediocre.  You just point at somebody, say "don't be a dick" and sometimes, some weak minded twit will actually obey because they don't want to be thought of as a dick.   Not too bad.

I wonder if there is a formal fallacy defined around this.  Something with a latin name.  "Dick Dicens" perhaps?  (thanks google translate)

---

I'm trying to think of who, for all of time, was never called a dick.   Gandhi is out.  Mother Theresa is out.  Lincoln is out.  Jesus was killed by the people that thought he was dick.  In fact, it seems that the greater positive a person has done in the world, the more people there are that will point and say "dick!"   To bring balance to the force, Hitler, Stalin and Satan had even more people pointing at them.  Maybe there is something to be said about accomplishment to hate mail ratio.  But I suspect that still isn't a slam dunk.  

Maybe there are a few people that always did what others told them.  And since a lot of others would give conflicting commands, they would find a way to hide from all of society and, thus, managed to get old without ever being called a dick.  

But I want folks to do great and amazing things.   And if they are going to do that, they are going to be called a dick.  I don't think there is a way around it.  

And now I am realizing I should have kept all this to myself.  Because I hope that these next words don't end up on some meme next to a wil wheaton meme where he is saying "don't be a dick" ....


To make the world a better place, millions of people will have to ....


be a dick



But, of course, be dick in a way that I am cool with.    Which makes you not a dick to me.   Just to icky people.  And if you are a dick on my forums, I will delete that shit - and I don't care if you think I'm a dick.  In fact, I would be proud of that.

paul wheaton wrote:
I wonder if somebody has the gall to utter an opinion that is contrary to what the listener wants to hear, if the response might be "don't be a dick".  

Yes. It took me a really long time to figure this out. Many people seem to know what they want to hear and most people tell that to them. Sort of great big happy lovefest. And if you don't agree and let that be known, well, you're a dick.

Now when I am called a dick etc. I just hum to myself, "Them that don't know him won't like him, and them that do sometimes won't know how to take him" and feel cool for a second.

paul wheaton wrote:
But, of course, be dick in a way that I am cool with.    Which makes you not a dick to me.   Just to icky people.

And here, I speculate, we may be approaching the true wisdom.  I'm a judgmental guy, I feel as if the world is full of dicks.  Lot of dickish people out there.  But some of them?  Total dicks, but I still like them.  Or maybe I don't like them but I respect the good they are doing in the world.  Maybe they are just dicks to people I don't like ("icky people") in which case I might love them for it.  Or maybe they're dicks even to me, but I have a thick skin and they are also funny or loving or amazing activist heroes or they have some other redeeming quality which makes me like them even though they are dicks.

"Don't be a dick" was the only rule the resident sophomores enforced in my freshman dorm.  And it was a good rule for getting a bunch of teenager dicks to live in tight proximity without bloodshed.   I thought it was an important ethical principal at the time.  And you could still do a lot worse, if you were just looking for a low-friction way of enjoying life and getting along with people.  But it's beginner stuff.  It's maybe a good rule but it's perhaps not the only or the most important rule.  There are times when it's fine (or even ethically required) to be a dick with flagrant abandon.  Other times, not so much.  Learning to tell the difference, well, I still struggle with that.

I view it like this die hard 2 quote (via IMDb)

John McClane: Guess I was wrong about you. You're not such an asshole after all.
Grant: Oh, you were right. I'm just your kind of asshole.

Just replace asshold with dick.  We're all good with people being dicks, as long as they're our kind.

Very well said! Thank you for that Paul!

Jesus to pharisees: you re dick. and you pose yourself as a non-dick. so you re a double dick. and you pose as a teacher of non-dicki-ness, even if you re such a dick yourself. so you re an extra-dick.

Jesus to "obvious sinners": you know that you re a dick. but i know how messed up you are. so your dickiness is forgiven. i love you in your dickiness. i am the saviour and i have come into the world to save the dicks from their own dickiness. if you want that and trust me, i ll undick you and i ll undick your life. but if you follow me, people will keep telling you "you re a dick"


hmm... that looks like it sums up a big part of the new testament

I think that Wil Wheaton's version of "don't be a dick" is in response to people who are openly trying to meet their personal humor needs at the expense of others.  In otherwords, openly trolling or talking smack just for fun - but they are going too far.  So you say "don't be a dick" and the person then realizes they have gone a bit too far and reigns it in.  

This is the first time he brought it up (about 1:20):



He is suggesting that when you win a game, "try not to be a dick" - be a graceful winner.  

I like poker.  And my favorite phrase when playing poker is "STRAIGHT FLUSH BITCHES!" which might be the very thing that wil wheaton is attempting to address.

Another possible conclusion:

If uttering the phrase "don't be a dick" makes it clear that you want the other person to submit to your will ....   that you want the other person to live according to standards not-their-own ... then doesn't that mean that the person saying "don't be a dick" is a dick?   I mean, demanding that people live to any standard other than their own is pretty fucking rude.  

Therefore, can you say "don't be a dick" without being a dick?

It could be that uttering the phrase "don't be a dick" is absolute proof of being a dick!  The person being pointed at, their dick-a-tude is still up for debate.  But the person with the finger is definitely a dick.

@Paul W: "It could be that uttering the phrase "don't be a dick" is absolute proof of being a dick!  The person being pointed at, their dick-a-tude is still up for debate.  But the person with the finger is definitely a dick. "

I suppose there are times, however, where "don't be a dick" is appropriate.  If you are an indigenous tribe observing the colonizers moving in, destroying the landscape and claiming it for their own, it may be justifiable to point the finger at them and yell "Don't be a dick!..." as a prelude to embarking on yet more severe argumentative measures.

Nevertheless, under most circumstances, you have a point that is summed up adequately below:

Wil Wheaton explains a bit more of the context of the origins in this interview:



I follow him on Tumblr; in the last couple years Wheaton's Law has gone from being a lighthearted "mind your manners" kind of thing to a harder pushback against the toxicity in nerd/ gamer/ internet culture as a whole (Google "gamergate" sometime to see how vile these dudes can get- rape and death threats coupled with doxing and calls to violence against their targets).  At least, that's how he seems to invoke his own law.

I think Paul's examples of his own dickishness represent the benign kind.  Ruffle-some-feathers-to-change-the-world-for-the-better dickishness, dude-being-a-dude with his friends dickishness, motivated self-interest dickishness.  And then there's the malicious kind of dickishness that's only meant to do harm (be it psychological or the actual, physical, real-world kind).  I don't think the benign kind falls within the scope of Wheaton's Law; my interpretation is that it's aimed more at a specific subset of a specific demographic.  To anyone born before the tail end of Generation X, basic humanity is pretty self-evident but, y'know, "kids today" and all that.  

We need more "problematic fave" dicks like Paul, like a whole phalanx of them, but a lot less of the other kind.  Or the good dicks need to out-dick the dick-dicks.  

Dan Boone wrote:I feel as if the world is full of dicks.  Lot of dickish people out there.

My experience is the opposite.  I think the last time I met a dickish person "in real life" was over 20 years ago.  True, I don't get out much, but I've mostly only met people who go out of their way to be jerks on the internet.  Most people I meet in real life are nice, or at the worst they are self-involved.  In my opinion, being a dick is going out of one's way to hurt another person's feelings, or regarding the other person's feelings as unimportant.  The opposite of "being nice."

When you speak, you should ALWAYS tell the truth, but that does not always mean the truth has to be said.

There is a lot of wisdom in those words, and a lot of arguments would be eliminated if it was heeded. That is because, sometimes in life, it is just better to remain mum and be a peace-maker. But by speaking the truth when I do speak, I feel I am gaining integrity, something I severely lacked in my younger years.

I am getting better as I get older, but to Paul...owner of this forum to which I have the greatest respect, and to other members, I do appreciate your patience.

paul wheaton wrote:I think that Wil Wheaton's version of "don't be a dick" is in response to people who are openly trying to meet their personal humor needs at the expense of others.  In otherwords, openly trolling or talking smack just for fun - but they are going too far.  So you say "don't be a dick" and the person then realizes they have gone a bit too far and reigns it in.  

This is the first time he brought it up (about 1:20):

He is suggesting that when you win a game, "try not to be a dick" - be a graceful winner.  

I like poker.  And my favorite phrase when playing poker is "STRAIGHT FLUSH BITCHES!" which might be the very thing that wil wheaton is attempting to address.

Just enjoyed this thread all over again.  
Wrestling with whether, and when, to let accusations of being "not-nice" slide off your back seems like one of those rites of passage for a productive adult.
Maybe you start learning this around the same age as really "getting it" about death and mortality, and right after coming to terms with your semi-control status concerning your own bodily fluids.

I just wanted to say that "STRAIGHT FLUSH BITCHES" feels to me like entirely acceptable dickishness, as long as at least some of the bitches involved know what a straight flush IS, and how rare.
(If you were to corral a whole passel of first-time poker players as the audience for this line, or use this phrase in the singular while playing poker with your new girlfriend who was still trying to learn the game, it would be the other kind.)

And of course, if you share the joy when someone else does the exact same thing to you, then it's "Golden Rule"-compatible dickishness, the best kind.

-Erica

At the end of a rather stressful and crappy day.... This was the best thread ever.

It is a fun read, but you may need to break out your dick-tionary. Bah Domb Dah!!

“ "Golden Rule"-compatible dickishness “

I LOVE that concept Erica! But then, I tend to surround myself with smartass sarcastic friends. To hear us one might wonder, but we all have each other’s backs like there’s no tomorrow.

This thread is awesome and hilarious. So many nuances to ‘don’t be a dick’.
I think some people are just possibly clueless about their dickishness (is that a word? It SHOULD BE). Those are the people who need it pointed out to them. They may just need the mirror held up. Change is possible. We all have room for improvement.
The people who are deliberate dicks? It does no good to call them on their shit. They don’t care. In fact, it encourages them, as they take pride in honing their ‘being a dick’ skills. Someday karma may visit them. The ‘Bird of Paradise’ song comes to mind...

Hi Julie,

I can’t be certain, but by pointing out the dickishness of other people who need a mirror to recognize it, have you not inadvertently triggered the Wheaton principle of reflective dick-a-tude upon yourself?

Please note that I am in no way calling you a dick, lest that principle apply to me.

I don't think it's helpful to tell someone "that was dickish" or "don't be a dick."  Instead it may be helpful to point out how what they did/said was hurtful.  

I have been bestowed the honor of 'dickatude" more times than I care to recall, as I have also bequeathed this this honor to others, with much the same desire for amnesia in the matter.  If you laid the word dickatude end to end it would likely rival the circumference of the Earth. Maybe in the realms of space and time, Eratosthenes was using my dickatude to gauge the circumference of the Earth instead of using shadows and the distance between Alexandria and Syene?  I haven't heard the referral in many years now, but I suspect that has something to do with that whole age and wisdom crap I'm supposed to be seeking at this point of my life.

Recently, in another area of cyberspace, the topic of the thread was about enemy lists.  I tried to recall my last actual enemy. Yes, I remember. It was 3rd grade and Billy Sawarski slipped some pop rocks into my carton of chocolate milk. Well, everyone on God's green Earth should know not to mess with my shocky milk, but it seems, to my astonishment, apparently Billy didn't get the memo.

When we try to control others to our beliefs, it is sure to backfire, when resentment sets in.  There is so much proof of the failures of control throughout history, yet we fail to remember it as a whole.

Jesus was a really awesome dude, yet widely misinterpreted. This misinterpretation is the fault of following perceptions.  He taught the same principles as Lao Tzu, Buddha, and numerous others.

There is much more power gained, but involved, in "going with the flow" or "turning the other cheek". Organic power is greater than any other.  This translates to "Love conquers all".  Love and compassion.

It becomes harder, in time I have learned, to hold on to these emotions.  You begin to question your thoughts and beliefs, and let them go, but some don't see it until there very last breath.

Our reactions do way more harm to ourselves than to whom they are directed towards.  It's  that whole science! thingy that proves this, but a shitton of years ago, somebody somewhere said, (three times fast) that your anger is like you drinking the poison and expecting me to die.

Ultimately, your feelings, your rages, your discontent, are only hurting yourself. If the object of your judgement wants to play along, then it is a mutual agreement  to a slow suicide. It can also reach the realms of genocide.  Just with one thought. One belief. The power of a thought, an idea.

The mind and the body are connected. We've seemed to have forgotten this. Thoughts become reality. Negative thoughts create acidosis in the body. Science! again. We all know how that works out.

So I'm thinking that, if I bumped into Billy Sawarski today, I would shake his hand, catch up, and congratulate him on making it this far in such a mad world.

It seems that I only apply the "don't be a dick" sacrament to myself these days, so I don't hear it a whole lot anymore. There are triggers, absolutely, but they can be dissolved now before they hit the lips, or fingertips.  Compassion moves this  along.

“I don't think it's helpful to tell someone "that was dickish" or "don't be a dick."  Instead it may be helpful to point out how what they did/said was hurtful.“

I agree, to a point. Then again, it may be the words it takes to figuratively slap them into recognizing their errors. If that is successful, they hopefully will then ask (assuming they are indeed clueless about the results of their dickishness) “why/how am I being a dick?” I would guess many are in denial, similar to addicts and alcoholics. And I would hope if I were being a dick and not realizing it, someone would figuratively slap me, too. I don’t think most folks roll out of bed in the morning with the goal of being a dick.

I’m also not sure I fully agree with the Wheaton principle of reflective dick-a-tude. It’s basically saying that by calling out someone else’s bad acting, you- by default- become a bad actor as well. One can use persuasive arguments like ‘forcing your will’ or ‘others not living up to your standards’, but in the end, if everyone just ignores all the bad actors we have total anarchy. If someone from Monsanto were to come onto Paul’s land and start spraying roundup on his plants, I strongly suspect he would have some choice words for them, to say the least. Does that make him a dick? Hardly! But now what if I see it? They aren’t my plants, maybe I don’t care either way, but I know Paul sure as hell cares. If I point out their dickery, does that really make me, too, a dick? I’m not seeing it.

I think that it is dickish to say "you are a dick".   It is 5% less dickish to say "that was dickish".   And 5% less again to say "that was hurtful."  And in these cases, you fully embrace being just that much of a dick - from their perspective.  

You could go so far as to say "I feel hurt by what you said" then that is about 95% less dickish.  

But exploring this further, then if you feel hurt, then that expresses that you care about what the other person thinks about you.  Even if you think they are an awful person, that shows you care.  

How do you feel about caring about somebody that you have determined is a dick?  Once you have determined that they are a dick, it would seem that the wise choice is to move toward a zero relationship.  If you are moving toward a zero relationship then saying anything (including "you are a dick" or "I feel hurt by what you say") seems counter to your goals.  

Therefore, if you have determined that somebody is a dick, it seems wise to say nothing and silently terminate the relationship.  

If someone from Monsanto were to come onto Paul’s land and start spraying roundup on his plants, I strongly suspect he would have some choice words for them, to say the least. Does that make him a dick?

We actually had a guy drive by basecamp in his tractor and spray my land.   One of our peeps ran out and asked him to stop and then asked what he was spraying.  2-4D - quite toxic.   He was headed home, had some extra and thought he would be neighborly.  

I think that guy thought we were dicks for not appreciating his generosity.

We thought he was a dick for poisoning our property.

Reflective.

If I point out their dickery, does that really make me, too, a dick?

Universally.    Of course, to a lot of people, you are a hero!   And to those that you are pointing at, you're a dick.  

Another lovely bit:   to the people who have values similar to yours, you are fucking awesome!   To the people that have values quite different from yours, you are a villain.  You are bonding with your buddies and driving away villains.  Good for you!

But it comes at the price that somebody thinks you are a dick/villain.

Points taken.
If standing up for the earth labels me a dick/villain then I suppose I’ll wear the name tag proudly!

Seems like the context and meaning to the utterer matters a lot with a phrase like 'don't be a dick'

to me, being a dick involves exerting extra effort to hurt someone either physically or emotionally. So to me, 'don't be a dick' is a solid rule. I can pursue the things I think are important and valuable, I can even cause discomfort, irritation, frustration, etc.. to someone else while pursuing those and not be a dick.

To use the example of your toxicly neighborly neighbor, that first uninvited application of 2-4D wasn't dickish. It was thoughtless, maybe even rude, but he didn't go out of his way and presumably assumed you would appreciate it. Neither was your peep telling him to stop dickish, they were simply acting in self defense. However, if your neighbor returned to spray your land with 2-4D again that would be dickish, he would be presumably going to the extra effort of ignoring your stated desires for your space and taking extra steps in his day to go contrary to them. Similarly, if you or your peeps made some effort to remind him of that one time or to denigrate/shame him publicly for that one time that would be dickish. There is extra effort being exerted just to cause extra harm to a person.

So let’s say he returns to spray again. We can all agree he is being a dick. Even HE agrees- He knows better, he is doing it deliberately for whatever personal reason, thus he is being a dick. So he knows that too. Now granted, calling him on it will change nothing, and may even give him satisfaction, but how exactly is that reflective? How is the one who calls him out being dickish as well? I can’t agree that the second time he would have reason to consider you a dick. He knows full well you are merely a victim (or at the least, an observer) of his dickishness.

I do not think "being a dick", or "do not be a dick" has much to do with life at all.

My Grandfather always told me, "No matter what you do, people will say bad things about your, and your efforts, so you minds well just go out and do what you feel is right".

Those are words to live by, and I have since hearing them as a kid. If I have been called "a dick", then I do not remember it, because I know I have lived my life as my Grandfather said I should. So for me, people's opinions do not really matter to me. That is why most of the time I do not discuss what I intend to do, but rather go out and do it, and then show what I have done afterwards.

It sounds self-centered, but it really is not. I just set out to do something, and then proceed to do so, and do not let others derail me in doing them. I think it is why I get things done.

Julie Reed wrote:So let’s say he returns to spray again. We can all agree he is being a dick. Even HE agrees- He knows better, he is doing it deliberately for whatever personal reason

There's the key.  Personal reason.  

Reason.

To him, there is a reason.  A good reason.  A rational reason.  In his mind it is decent.  

This whole thing is about value sets and knowledge sets.  

To solve world problems, the first step is to understand that there is a difference of value sets (or knowledge sets) that will lead people to groups pointing to each other and saying "asshole!"

We think that John Wilkes Booth is an asshole.   At the same time, John Wilkes Booth made it clear that he thought Lincoln was an asshole.  

So let’s say he returns to spray again. We can all agree he is being a dick. Even HE agrees- He knows better, he is doing it deliberately for whatever personal reason, thus he is being a dick. So he knows that too. Now granted, calling him on it will change nothing, and may even give him satisfaction, but how exactly is that reflective? How is the one who calls him out being dickish as well?

Suppose he sees a bunch of mullein.   And he is struggling to keep it out of a neighboring hay field.   "Everybody knows" that mullein is toxic to stock and has no value to anybody.  He might be thinking that the people at that place are a bunch of treehuggers that don't know anything about proper land management and they are ruining everything for everybody by not controlling their noxious weeds.  Their lackadaisical attitude is providing a neighborhood seed source for mullein.   Best to nip this problem in the bud before it really gets out of hand.  For their own good.  After all, the only way the neighborhood is going to beain the mullein problem is if everybody does their part.   He'll just cover a bit for the lazy folks that aren't paying attention.  If they ever choose to pay attention, they'll understand.

He doesn't think he is being a dick.   He thinks he is being helpful.  His knowledge set says that the herbicide is safe and that the mullein is a problem.  

If you call him a dick, he will think you are a dick.

So, how do we solve problems instead of go to war?



By producing hundreds or thousands of little tidbits of information, slowly the knowledge set shifts.

Travis Johnson wrote:My Grandfather always told me, "No matter what you do, people will say bad things about your, and your efforts, so you minds well just go out and do what you feel is right".

The more you do, the more people will say bad things.

There is even a bit of cunningham's law mixed in there.   Those people will say ridiculous things and when you prove that they are wrong, then they feel like that was some nice, free education.    As if this hateful approach to education is the best way there is.   So the hateful thing is correct until you can bring the proof.  

It’s not hard to see why people do a lot of things if you are willing to set aside your own belief system for a bit.  Take gardening.  My father is in his 70’s and has had a garden most of his life, as did his parents.  Every year my Dad tills his garden.  If he wants to make it larger, or make another garden in a new space, he uses Round Up to kill everything initially.  He plants, he fertilizes, he uses pesticides if the bugs get out of control, he hoes every weed a couple times a week.  He has been doing this for 50 years or more and his gardens are productive, beautiful, orderly, and weed-free, with perfect straight rows.  He produces hundreds of pounds of food a year.
 
Then there is me.  I’m quite sure when he sees my gardens, he sees a mess.  I have weeds everywhere, nothing is nice and straight and clean.  I will freely admit, his gardens look much nicer than mine do, and he grows more food than I do.  If I ask him about the work of tilling and hoeing, he will ask how much work it is pitch forking and hauling, unloading and spreading, dozens and dozens of pickup loads of wood chips.  It may take him a couple hours to till his garden in the spring, and a few minutes to do the rows during the garden season, far less than I spend hauling wood chips.  When I want a new garden area, I mow it, then cover it with cardboard, or I cover an area with some type of tarp material for a year or so, then I spend hours bringing in wood chips, or I buy straw bales, have to go pick them up, haul them, unload and place them.  If you look at it that way, I’m doing far more work for a given area of garden space.  Obviously I do it with the idea that in the future I will be able to do less work, but there are times when I think it would be easier to just do what my Dad does and till an area.

If, at this point, someone starts telling me all the reasons the no-till, no chemical route is better, you missed the point 😊  I already think it’s better or I wouldn’t be doing it.  My point is just that, if you can look at it from the other person’s perspective, you can see why they might think their way is better.  I think the root of the problem is that people are so personally vested in the own belief system, they find it impossible to set that aside long enough to see the other point of view, as if by doing so, they might somehow be admitting they are wrong.

Dick doesn't have the same power that is used to. Let's blame Gloria Steinem.

So about 30 years ago I started using CUNT. Works as a noun verb or adjective. Easy to add prefixes. My brother Brady is a cunt and sometimes I'm a cunt, like that rotten guy in the movie Snatch.

Back in January he contacted me, wondering about working on one of my jobs. I had to ask if he was currently living with a horrible cunt. He admitted that he was, and agreed not to bring her to the job. He broke that agreement and eventually I had to give her incorrect directions so that she could not find her way back. Drug problems.

This misdirection cost him a full tank of gas. He thought it was a very CUNTISH thing that I had done

I think you are right. In the first office example, saying 'Don't be a dick!' is the aggressive way of saying: Your behaviour infuriates me. You are naming things to the other person. The phrase is in itself a command. In some sense, this is a way of saying: if you don't stop doing what is annoying me, I will answer with violence since I am the toughest guy around. A very macho attitude coming from a time when measuring dick sizes was a valid option. By using this phrase you are proving yourself a dick.
Context matters, so when Wil Wheaton says the same, he is using that aggressive phrase for humor. In my country it is very common to use foul words against our beloved ones in friendly tones, and everybody knows we are not meaning anything bad.

About the general rule of being nice, I guess it is a cultural requirement if we want to succeed as a society. In a strong hierarchy, the person that is above can afford being rude, and sometimes he must be rude in order to assess his position. But when hierarchies are not clear, being nice is a simple way to avoid useless conflicts, which might be harmful to everyone involved. Now, being nice is an art in itself, especially when it conflicts with our immatures desires of doing whatever we want whenever we please.