Clothes are 100% tools. They can open doors and keep you safe in bad places. No amount of costuming can truly pass me off as normal for long though and I am a good costumer. Anyone who goes past the surface is going to hit that solid core of odd values and morals and interests quickly. And there are certain costumes I just refuse to wear. I dislike lies, and some days it feels like betraying myself and lying. Then what? It isn't easy going against the grain. It gets pretty lonely, it hurts to hear what people think, it isn't fun feeling like an alien, like you're surrounded by all these people but you're the Weird One over There.. so I guess, just saying that to be supportive of the topic. Frustration shared.
My strategies so far...
1. Know people across all walks of life. Learn about them, then stick to areas where we're similar, there are almost always ties. Beware artists, they mix with all classes of society and are therefore the most dangerous right? 😈
2. I let people be partial friends. Let them know the parts of me that make them comfortable and just don't bring the rest up. Most people can handle a small dose of different along with a big pillar of common ground
3. I make it confident, fun, light, make it a joke they can be in on.. my wild projects become like entertainment, which same days hurts my feelings, but sometimes is so fun to be the crazy one that's always got something new going on
4. I translate my interests so they match the current "costume". Words have connotations, I can have a whole conversation about foraging with people here and never use that word. The conversation may be over quickly if I pulled out Latin names of the plants. But everyone down here does it!! They love that I do it, but if you say it wrong..you might be out.
5. I have to be honest when I'm really feeling upset by someone's repeated criticism, which is hard and vulnerable but usually they don't intend harm, maybe are just awkward themselves and if you say it from a place of caring and kindness and make it clear you want to be on great terms with them they usually respond and try to not to step on toes, if they're mean about it..then
6. Be willing to cut ties. If they really really can't be kind to me on a greasy hair day, if they have no interest in being caring about how they affect me...I mean...are they really that important in my life? Very hard to do for me, but veeerrrry crucial. Even if they end up sticking around, having the willingness to cut them out if they can't be kind means I've truly stood up for myself and proves to them I expect a certain level of respect if they come around again. Having a barrage of negativity removed from daily inputs into my system is soooo amazingly freeing!!
7. I always am open for new alliances, they can be found hiding in unlikely places, I give EVERYONE a chance. I try to never judge from their current costume, the most unlikely people have had a secret fascination with my lifestyle
8.I have a nest of just.. safe comfort things, when all that crap is too much I just hide!!! Escape, good books, good tea, snuggle blankets, crying, stress eating, cute plants, crafting tutorials, only answering the phone for safe people, eventually I wind back up at bees and nut trees and cooking experiments and a renewed sense that I'm doing right by myself and can face society again.
9. Logically I work out if their way really might be better...usually while doing number 7. Really question my own beliefs. Sometimes I really learn and grow, sometimes I end up backing myself harder because their solutions dont make any ****ing sense for my life
10. Yeah, turn to those who have the same issues for sure if I have any in my life at the time! I like reading these posts to remind myself I'm not the only one, so thanks everybody 💚
Sorry this is so long :/