I view showering as an indicator, nothing more. When I had my breakdown years ago, I barely got out of bed for 5 years. Generally, I could only manage one thing a day, typically I chose to feed my kids (teenagers). Every couple weeks, we would get take out, so I could shower.
My experiences with hospitalization, partial hospitalization and IOP (intensive outpatient program) are that hospitalization and partial hospitalization (day programs) were mostly babysitting, and provided little real in depth therapy. They were always worried about triggering others. IOP was a life-saver, with a nice mix of check-ins, coping technique teaching, and small group therapy.
I moved out here, so as to live in an environment that I don't need to be sedated to survive, now I don't know if it will be enough. And my daughter and I are very different people, with different diagnoses. All of my kids have borderline tendencies, because they were raised by a borderline mother, but they are not borderline. My daughter needs to be around people to stay out of her head. I'm not a people person, other than children, and now he's gone.
I know that I'm all over the place, but that's as good as it gets right now.