Xisca Nicolas

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since Aug 06, 2012
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Gardener since childhood. Paleo living, even with a cave dwelling (modern with internet!). Long time nature dweller, that went from mushing in the north to settling in the south! I worked in nature pedagogy through animals. I have human skills for those who find the way, as I have poor social skills. Versed in autonomic system/somatic feelings, learning cranio-sacral.
La Palma (Canary island) Zone 11
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Recent posts by Xisca Nicolas

Of course yes you can leave it to others and it is best to think about your healing. I did answer for your understanding, as stating what I understood as "some people victimize though not very traumatized" is a common judgement that is not true because traumatisation level has to do with much more than the importance of the event.  
A big part is the type of support after the events. One small accident can have long term effects and seem unrelated!
When we understand what to do and can get to more compassion than empathy, it becomes easier to listen to victims stories. Their deep need is to discharge the activation they feel in the body and cannot alone.

The 1st time I could listen to a victim and stay present to her story without becoming emotionally touched and put down (which would have prevented me to help her) , I was just coming back from a Somatic Experiencing module, so of course I could understand why it came naturally to me.
By staying fine while not having to run from her, I could help her reach my level of emotions instead of us both feeling bad!
I prefer empathy to function this way!

So if you mean by " talking about different things " that your story is more heavy than some others' who look like victims, yes sure it is possible, but I inform that you can also considere that people with less important events can also need to regulate their nervous system.

When I hear people with victim stories, especially repetitive, I know they did not get the appropriate though easy help that would have lifted a burden from them. And I have helped a few to do so by just making them see I noticed the emotion, believed it and not dismiss it. But then I have a training that made me understand what we miss by not being told about it :
I suggest and help to stop the inner dialogue that goes on between the mind and the emotion, to sense where is the body sensation also "talking", which make "move the e-motion" and release it at body level.
I  try to make open the dialogue into a "trialogue"
The body level can modify instantly the emotional and the meaning levels.

When we learn how simple it is and do it, we can not only help a lot but it becomes a self-help,  and self-healing, because it creates a deep sense of love and connection. It is just impossible that it beneficiates only one side!

The main obstacle to generalise this in our society is a toxic cultural shame about being weak, flawed etc, for needing this type of support instead of being able to do so on our own.

This is why I compare to what we know about physical strength and capacities! And this is why I ask for awareness about the science of the nervous system, which can be as physically wounded as any other body system.

Why would it be a shame for only 1 out of about 12 body systems to be hurt? Why do we get hurt regularly by The sentence "this is in your head"? After all,  our head is part of our body! Even thoughts are emanations of the body.  Thoughts are only 1 language we have, the other 2 are emotions and body sensations. The 3 in 1 make what has been coined as the felt-sense.

6 days ago
Typing on my phone, so sorry for some un-elegance of phrasing and sometimes being short which can feel abrupt....
;) part of the topic?
6 days ago
Matthew thanks for coming back!
The point of autism is interesting because it is also called neuro DIVERSITY. And in the end do we take diversity into consideration that much?
Not enough.

Talking about words and meaning, I am forced to accept the words "mental health" though not appropriate because mental is more about thoughts, and it doesn't cover the ANS.

Due to many factors, some people have more in common than others. Also we are no more formated by small groups as before. As a result, we surprise each other too much. Also, due to neglecting the ANS or Autonomic Nervous System,  though it drives all other systems, we often fail to believe what others say about themselves, what they can and cannot do.

If you say you cannot lift a certain weight or have a weak arm due to an accident to the bone or  muscle system, you will be believed. And people will be happy to help!

Now if you cannot do something and mention a real blockage, it looks invisible enough for people to not believe you cannot do what they can! Not only you get no help but you can be shamed and at least told to "make an effort".
But it hurts as much as damaging muscles. You go over-threashold.

Yes it is a major cause of bad communication. Also unfortunately people can fake more easily in this field.

I have seen people with high chemical sensitivity who were said "she is crazy" by a neighbour... This woman could not believe I believed her symptoms!

About the autistic spectrum, and Asperger's being a "soft side",  the important is to mention people on this spectrum are so different that they migh not even recognize another Asperger's.

The common point seems to be the vagus nerve that has been hurt, especially the social engagement system. Also as said in the book the GAP's diet, the digestive system also often suffers, and it is indeed linked to the vagus too!

So there will be some common point with people having some sort of PTSD and even occasionally with anyone who has accumulated upsetting events during the same day or week etc!
In the end, this spectrum  can teach us to believe more about some incredible differences we can have!

Believe people and excuse yourself from any spontaneous reaction by sharing your emotion of surprise, cool down and take the path of curiosity.

Matt, I hope you will get interested in more about the vagus, diversity and the polyvaga theory! It needs to be known more!
6 days ago
I have a suggestion too about people feeling more judgemental than curious... Why are they not curious?
A puppy can show the answer! FEAR.
So if you have the time to guess this before you are too emotionally triggered...
I would answer by this question:
"What surprises you about what I have done?"
What we feel as judgement is often a spontaneous reaction of surprise! And surprise holds some fear, destabilisation at least.

So if you ask a question that both addresses the material reality and the emotion... it might help.
At practical level, it can inform you very precisely, so that your next bit of sharing can look like this :
"You could not know it but this ... made it impossible"

Most people have general ideas, even good ones, but forget  that they do not know the context.
6 days ago

Stacy Witscher wrote:In my experience, those that wallow in victimhood are rarely extremely victimized. But many traumatized people have developed coping skills that at the time allowed them to survive, but are no longer working or needed. It is difficult to leave these things behind.

This cannot be judged!
Trauma is not about the event but the body reaction. Really, just believe the person!
For the nervous systemy there is no time. Until we do what we need for the resync of the 2 branches of the ANS,  there can be no change.
It is actually easy to leave this behind when it was not a repeated trauma. Just as in agriculture,  we have to do it right.

Somatic Experiencing is such a method and is very permie in nature.
1 week ago
Heather, I  did the Somatic Experiencing training starting nearly 10 years ago!

I mentionned Peter Levine and he founded SE.

I am glad it helps! For me, it is a permie  method by excellence, because of the importance of the felt-sense.
1 week ago
Matthew do you talk about neuro diversity?
As an Aspie, I find difficult to use words precision without getting some emotional reactions!

I  believe there is enough neurodiversities to complicate the ways we react and cannot believe sometimes how others react.

It would feel so good to be more informed about some big differences in the autistic spectrum. Neuro different people trigger each other and misunderstand each other.

Being also a dog behaviorist,  people also fight with their dog for the same reasons!  We are similar enough but miss the differences!
1 week ago
Portugal has a very effective way to lower drug use, through social engagement. Addiction has to do with the lack of ocytocin coming from a lack of satisfying relationships.

Physiologically,  this is in link with the ventral branch of the vagus nerve,  responsible for feelings of love, harmony, bond. ..

Violence in generally,  and I include also to shame, abandon and make feel guilty as addition to physical hurt + the threat of any of those, could be avoided if we tried to differenciate the human from their act. The act is bad and the person wounded, and trauma is transmissible.

Our society lacks ways to safely express conflicts that would allow to really know our differences and boundaries, so that we can respect clear limits in exchange of having ours respected.
Somatic Experiencing brings a nervous system view of staying a victim. 1st it is important to be seen as a victim. It is well known that cops are not supposed to tell a girl she should not have been there,  when she reports an agression!

Then what keeps the victimhood is the stuck activation in the nervous system. So we manage to make this drop in sometimes only one session! It is easy for isolated events. And the method is not mental at all. There is no "trying" to change thoughts or forgive etc. All happens on its own by letting the body process the defensive response,  which is still there because it failed! And it is organic, physiologic, and the mind comes last. When the body has sent all this energy as if to an earth rod,  emotions and meanings change alone.
1 week ago
It is interesting to see different ways to organize ideas.

I see self esteem to be an issue between not enough to two much.

And I pair compassion with empathy.  I do not want that much empathy if it means to feel the same, because then how do you give support? Compassion keeps the limits clear.

Now can I apply both compassion and empathy to Self"? Great, I find self compassion very possible, and "self-empathy" sounds so strange and impossible. Or I would say that of course we feel what we feel! So this is natural and self-compassion has to be named because it does not comes alone...

I  will definitely practice this on purpose!
1 week ago