Eric Thomas

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since Mar 19, 2011
Eric likes ...
dog chicken earthworks food preservation writing
Northeast Oklahoma, Formerly Zone 6b, Now Officially Zone 7
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Recent posts by Eric Thomas

There are two kinds of people in the world:

1. Those who can extrapolate fom incomplete data.
1 month ago
Young Husband: My wife was mad at me, so I went to the flower shop and bought her a bouquet, but she’s still angry.

Old Husband: What kind of flowers?

Young Husband: Violets.

Old Husband: Well, no wonder. You should have bought her roses. Someone should have told you…

”Violets never solved anything.”
4 months ago
Whew.....I was one of the last posters on the old thread, I thought mayby I broke the forum..

An old lady at the bank asked me to check her balance.  

So I gave  her a good shove.
4 months ago
When I bought our 5 acres, there was a very active game trail that ran right in front of the buliding site.  The deer would saunter by, followed closely by coyotes who would pause and look at me with the "what the hell are you doing here?" look.  Hence, "Coyote Way".  I wish I could attribute some mystical Carlos Castaneda type meaning to it, but it's been more like the Simpson's and Johnny Cash's take on mystical coyotes.  Every once in a whistful while I'll refer to it as Rancho Malario, a hat's-off to Firesign Theater, my wife playing Bunny Krumhunger to my Buzz; leaving anyone under the age of 60 with a puzzled look.  
4 months ago

Greg Martin wrote:Someone stole all the wheels off all the police cars.  The cops are working on it....tirelessly!

(too long without a joke)

That's nothing.  Last week they stole all the toilets from the station.  The case hit a dead end because the cops have nothing to go on!
4 months ago
I'm a technical/marketing writer by trade.  Friday just seems to set off the joke muscle. Bad Friday's are worse.
4 months ago

People often accuse me of “stealing others jokes” and “being a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine…
4 months ago
An editor, grammarian and a linguist walk into a bar.  The bartender says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out-we don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar-fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar, and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
4 months ago
They all die eventually.  Back up early and often
4 months ago
Zero moving parts.  My bet it yes, static is better.  Probably a lot more durable if you have to tote it around in a briefcase and such.  I replaced the HD in my graphics workstation with one about a year ago, they're a lot faster too.  I bought a Samsung model that came with it's own downloadable data transfer app that made setting it up pretty brainless, which suits me well for some reason...
4 months ago