I hate making a comment in long forums.
They are like trying to make a comment in a conversation. I always feel like I am looking at a set of children swinging two jump ropes for "double Dutch" and I got to find some way to jump in without falling flat on my face.
It was mentioned;
"I wonder if blue-blockers would help with the light intensity? Maybe it's the type/hue of light, not just the intensity? I have a harder time thinking and seeing in LED light, but firelight and incandescent are much easier for me. My husband has blue-blocking glasses that look like reading glasses, but block the harsh light."
I've read a lot about autism and sensory sensitivity. How it varies from person to person. I have also read about the "meeting a person's eyes" avoidance. Although I have sensory sensitivity, (i.e. certain sounds, touch, texture, etc.) I fall into the inappropriate staring category. It's the opposite of avoidance. I tend to keep it under control, or masked, but often, especially if I think the person is interesting/attractive in some way, I can't help it and I look like a creep.
Also, I read about another member speaking on treatment options. Unfortunately, I have spent my life in forced, but ironically unintentional immersive therapy. No parents, and moved from one home to another. I became hyper-focused on people and all the funny things they did. I refused to speak.
I remember clearly thinking how all the talking made no sense. I saw no point to it and most questions seemed entirely unnecessary. Then I noticed how I was being isolated due to my oddity. Being singled out and bullied, and even on occasionally having adults literally tell me how creepy and weird I was. Life gets hard fast when you are alone.
Due primarily to the forced immersive into everything normal children did, or really given no choice, (no one respected my choice to be "me.") having the ability to hyper focus on people and how they acted around me, I learned to mimic them. I literally "faked it, till I made it."
But... and it's a big but... as the creator of this forum pointed out, this cannot be cured.
Best case scenario is you can treat the symptoms. Well, treat the results of living in a world that often is overwhelming and confusing. Perfect mimicry or not, years of dealing with the anxiety, the aggravation of the confusing things that go on around me, (NOTE: not everything is confusing. I have the ability of logic and reason.) the depression and loneliness; a loneliness derived from living separate from others; in a world that doesn't often bridge into the normal one, takes an enormous toll.
That's the part that worries me. Since it can't be cured, only treated, then what is the best I can hope for? Will there always be anxiety? Will there always be that disconnect between me and everyone else?
Not questions meant in sadness or with defeat as their core. Quite honestly, I'm curious. Do people like me make real connections or are we sometimes just too, different?
Thanks for the topic.