Purity Lopez

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since Jul 19, 2018
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Recent posts by Purity Lopez

You might try a cot.  They are made out of latex and fit over your finger (for medical use).  It will fill up the thimble a little more and the latex will keep the thimble from sliding around. They have them in pharmacies and on Amazon. They come in different sizes. Their cheap.
2 weeks ago

"At the moment, for it to kick on at all, we have water flow turned as low as possible"

Judith.  I have this water heater and also a pre-filter setup.  Have you checked the incoming PSI on your water? The Aquah is designed to automatically shut off if the water pressure isn't high enough.  When was the last time you checked your filters on the pre-filter system?  Perhaps also, maybe there is calcification at some point in your pipes and the water pressure is different at different places in the house.  I have 8.5 water here, and I have had to replace one tankless after another.  I finally got so tired of having constant problems that I just disconnected them from the pre-filter systems and have them on their own dedicated pipe systems on 5 gallon propane tanks.  In regards to the Aquah guys, they are really really nice, they helped me with a problem where I made a big mistake and they didn't have to help but went way out of their way to help me resolve the problem I created. That said, I seem to have communication problems with them whenever I talk with them.  We never seem to be on the same page - LOL.  
5 months ago

J Anders wrote:I live in a small town in the midwest. Small 1 bedroom house 2.5 car garages.

Whole place is basically permaculture, 7 fruit trees, 40x40 garden that I use a full complement of david bradley implements on, strawberry patch and asparagus patch. Lot is 150x60.

I like what we've got here. If I could just add 5 acres onto it I'd personally be happy. However.... my wife doesn't help with the garden much at all nor does she seem to want to conserve money at all. We go out to eat way too much and rarely save any money. Some of that is my fault because I do get disability for being severely hard of hearing and run a small (nearly negative cash flow by design) handyman business. All my profits are reinvested in tools and the mileage deduction is real nice. My wife is a former city girl and I grew up in a small town so now I've seen that we really have opposite views on life. I'd be happy staying at home, drinking mint tea and singing kumbaya all day and she likes to go to the city that is 60 miles away just for a sonic chili dog. We do have a prius so it's not that expensive to do it... just the whole mindset annoys me. Money in the bank = lets go have fun/go shopping.... no planning for the future at all and no interest in going to the park just to go for walks and such. She does work a full-time job with crazy hours, lots of shifts 3-11 which is hard for me as I normally do handyman work 9-5. She SAYS she loves having a garden and all that jazz but I get no SUPPORT. If I want something preserved I have to do everything all by myself.

I was born and raised 30 miles from where we live now.... but I'm also fed up with living in the middle of corn and beans that gets sprayed every year. I personally have lived in the Ozarks for 3 months in a camper remodeling a friend's house.... and my wife and I spent a week on vacation at my friend's house staying in a hotel. Now the friend is mad at me because he feels that I owe him $2000 so we haven't talked in a few years but I'd like to pay it eventually. My wife doesn't want anything to do with said friend and would rather buy our own place in the Ozarks. But.... I don't want to buy a place with her when she doesn't do very much around the place we've got now and talks about D. all the time.

I'll be inheriting a nice sum of money- not enough to pay cash for a $150K acreage but enough to really make a dent in the purchase price and could pay cash for the right place. I don't think I'd mind living in rugged conditions for awhile but I'm pretty sure my wife has no interest in that. We have no kids and I don't see them anywhere in the future due to my wife's health.

Hopefully you can read between the lines and see what I'm getting at. Just feeling really discouraged. I've looked forward to this inheritance for 15 years now and now that it's almost time to get it I'm quite torn on what to do. So hard to do something when I feel like I'm being sabotaged by my wife who just sees "money to spend" while I see a potential way to get myself set up for life. We do have $4K in cc that should be paid off that we don't seem to be able to pay off for over 5 years as well, that's $120 every month. What I'd like is support in setting up the handyman business and going out to flip houses until we have enough cash to buy a $150K acreage but I don't see my wife supporting that idea at this point. She'd like me to buy her a new minivan for $5K.... we don't need a minivan at this point in time. Do I give her a D and find someone else who has more financial skills and common sense... or what? I don't want to look back in 5 years and say that I should have flipped houses instead of blowing the money on things she wants.

So hard when it feels like I'm doing everything by myself when a good marriage should be about common goals and dreams. I hate to give her a D but the fact of the matter even spiritually we are quite distant as she has very little interest in in-depth discussion of spiritual topics. Which is ironic as she claims she loves Revelation and took a class on it in school, but has never discussed it with me to any length. I grew up Ind. Baptist and she grew up the daughter of a Wesleyan minister so you'd think we have something to talk about but she has no interest in discussing. I spend most of my time on the computer researching and she spends most of her time watching various TV shows that I try to tell her (why) they are bad to watch but she has no interest in listening. The other night she was watching America's Got Talent with that damn demon that came on... I did NOT appreciate that at all. It's been over 7 years and I'm nearly 35 now.

Any thoughts?



It has been a year now since this post, may I inquire how you are doing.....what is going on in your life?

When we are young, we often do not really get to know the other person, not how they really are.  Or we fantasize and re-make them in another image than they really are.  We attribute qualities to them that they do not actually possess or exhibit.  But largely, we often enter into a relationship because we do not feel whole on our own and we fall prey to that myth that someone else will fill that hole, complete us, and are expected to fill that hole of emptiness.

It is a myth made many times worse by movies and television.  Hallmark Channel comes to mind.  Its sets up impossible scenarios that always end in every one in the movie coming around, throwing aside their own individual uniqueness, and the movie ends with the two characters filling up that emptiness in the other one. It is ridiculous.

We should also never, ever enter a relationship because one is lonely, or feels they need someone to attach themselves to our hip and do everything we do.  When someone feels they are Self-Sustained in all ways, then, and only then should they look for a mate.

As a woman, a very independent one, I found, before I stopped having relationships that that strongness was what men seemed to really like most in me.  A woman of her own mind. They liked I had lived in the wilderness, liked that I was knowledgeable in so many ways.  Ultimately what I found is that those same things they liked are the same traits they ended up hating in me. Funny huh?

We make mistakes in life.  We choose things for all the wrong reasons. Why do we feel it necessary to drag ourselves thru the mud? These kinds of situations don't have to be painful.  We make them painful.  You did not know that each other existed before you met.  Were you miserable?  So it is not such a big thing to go back to.  She will get along fine without you, and you without her.  You may even end up as life long friends.....many do.  It is not healthy to blame. Blame is just trying to disguise that we ourselves won't accept responsibility about changing a situation and bravely forge on engaging in it.

She is not a bad person, and neither are you.  No one has to be at fault.  It is enough to say that for the time being, it isn't working out.  You both seem to be working on entirely different wavelengths and that is the basic problem.  And if we decide to move on, we should not be looking down the road and repeat the same problem again.  Like another commenter said.....no person should put their life in another's hands to complete them.  Complete yourself then look.

7 months ago
Here is my email:  expressionsoftheheart777@gmail.com.   My vision is that we form working friendships, not only on Permies, but away from.  Helping each other with solutions to Challenges.  Although we do not want to give too much power to a concept that we are different from men, our Challenges as woman ARE different.  This is not duality. We are women, we have the ability to Create life (children) that we can channel into becoming Mothers of Nature.  We are Nurturers by Nature. We have Challenges of physical strength but so far, about 95% of the time for me.....leverage has solved those Challenges. And seeking tools that address that issue.  Learning the art of leverage is our strength.....and that can be used to solve these kinds of situations.

I was thinking about starting two groups on Facebook (Edit:  I am not a fan of FB, so I am creating a Blog today instead).  Blog address:  https://expressionsoftheheartfarm.blogspot.com/>;
There will be a category for cooking right off from the get go.  I am vegan and cook without garlic and onions.  I am a different kind of vegan than you might have heard of before. I can't be called a vegetarian for I eat no thing that is derived of flesh.

I do not feel it is wrong to partake of milk, or milk based products, or eggs......IF and that is the big IF, we raise those animals, those ducks or chickens ourselves; AND we raise them with Love and Nurturing care. Giving life, rather than taking life. For is this not a mother's Nature?. I have goats and I have Runner Ducks.  They eat organic. Veggies, fruit and grains.  A lot of it comes from what I grow here. I buy bulk organic grains and mix them together, providing a good balance of nutrition for them.  My ducks are 8 years old and still laying. They have a lot of room to roam. They have five ponds and large mulberry trees to sit under in the summer.  What could be wrong with that concept?

I have 30 years of recipes that are geared toward cooking amounts of food for a single person. If we, as single women, do not eat properly, we cannot do our jobs properly.  If the food is Nourishing, cooked with Love and Care, we do not get tired of it, no matter how many times a week we eat it. I have so many recipes that there is a lot of variety.  A lot of recipes from different cultures......changed to reflect the way I eat.  I am not here to convert anyone to being a vegan.  That is a choice that comes with a change in consciousness as a mother, wanting to nurture all life. You cannot, I do not feel...change people's thoughts on these kind of subjects...it is something they have to come to on their own.
7 months ago
Although I mentioned that this forum is geared more for single women without children, I ran across this today and thought I might post it.  It is a link to the Female Farmer Project and deals with being a mother.  Very interesting and I loved their photos.  So pass this on if you know someone who might enjoy it.
http://www.femalefarmerproject.org/ask-a-farmer-series
7 months ago

Jennie Little wrote:When we lived n the high desert, I bought some seeds from native seed/search. You can find them at native seed dot org.



Yes, I have some of their seeds.  I love their Hopi watermelon. But still all in all, I feel the calling to have everything here born here.  The idea, the concept, the vision, born here.  Just like a child if you will, a good analogy.  I want to conceive, bear, and nurture into being concepts of agriculture that I do not see as having a valuable place in the world consciousness.  And honestly, not really considered.  Everyone wants it now. The whole concept we have of growing, of working co-creatively with Nature, has become perverted.  For example, grafted trees.  Almost without exception, everything is grafted now, even vegetables.  All this is is a knee jerk response to growing Nature out of balance and wanting a quick fix.  You are mixing two different vibrations, this is not going to work long run.  

Is there evidence of this imbalance? Yes.  Look at apple crops.  All manner of pestilence and disease.  Even organic farms use up to 19 different kinds of pesticide in a single season, on a single tree.  Hybrid grafted trees are short lived.  I know a man, Tom Brown, down in the South whose mission is finding ancient apple trees on farms and bringing them back into production.  Some of these trees are a hundred years old.  Name me a grafted tree that lives anywhere near that long.

So one of my mission objectives here is "grow trees from seed". Own root trees, that is my objective.  I have what I call natural dwarf trees here.  I prune them that way, talk to them, let them know what the goal is.  After a while they get the idea and massive pruning is not necessary. In many cases I make them into bushes which is a better idea than a tree in countless ways.
7 months ago

Jennie Little wrote:My husband and I lived in the high desert for 6 years, near China Lake. I’d love to retire there, but if I do, it will be without him, as he’s allergic to the dust.

I think this is a wonderful thread you started, thank you!  I am certainly interested in learning more skills and fostering less dependency.



Hi Jennie, and well-come!  I am very familiar with that area, it is even more rural than here.  I used to be a whitewater rafting guide and I spent a lot of time on the Kern.  And yes, sometimes we move on.  I have done a lot of moving on in my life.  Some were painful separations, but needful ones.  Myself, I was meant to be in this life without relationship encumbrances. I fought that for a long time when I was younger.  

Now, I am sort of reading between the lines of your post, so if I have trespassed, I apologize.  What we wanted when we were younger, if we expand our horizons and the significant other doesn't feel like expanding, or is expanding in other directions we are not interested in.....we have to make hard decisions.  There is an old adage, make a list.....if you have more negatives than positives as to co-creating with the significant other....then perhaps it is a time for contemplation.

Someone said something to me a very long time ago and it made perfect sense to me.  If something isn't working; set it free.  When something isn't working that is a sign we are out of balance, no matter what the problem. When the emotions get working we want to debunk that saying.  There is also guilt.  Our society teaches us here in the U.S. that wanting something for ourselves is wrong.  That CAN be true, and then again not.  There is a complete day and night difference between completing a life plan and selfishness.  

This story does not seem connected but it is if we look deeper.  There is a Master Gardener on Permies that posted quite a few comments on working with others.  He said that for him, working with others was counter-productive.  That he was spending time talking with the other person(s) so he was actually spending double the time on a project than if he did it by himself.  He also mentioned that if he asks another guy to come and help fell 6 trees, then he is going to have to share those felled tree with him, so it wasn't really a bonus, having someone else work with him, because he is still only getting 3 trees for his use, which is what would have happened if he just did it by himself.

This is a conundrum that we often do not consider when choosing relationships of any kind.  Is having someone else with us REALLY adding?  Or is it lack of faith in ourselves that keeps us in relationships that have out-grown their usefulness?  It seems that if you are dreaming, you have a vision of China Lake, that that is an answer in itself.  Only you can determine whether this vision is a Need, or a desire.  

I would like this particular forum to be one of complete transparency.  Let us all try to take off the mask we might have learned to wear in the outside world and engage in true sisterhood....being honest, being open, knowing that here, in this forum there is no judging, no criticism, just open arms and listening ears.
7 months ago
ARE YOU ABLE TO SEPARATE WHAT IS A NEED AND WHAT IS A DESIRE

One of the most important skills you can learn is to prioritize.  It requires mastering the emotions, not letting them rule you, but you learning to control them.  In some areas of this category, buying "things", and particularly if I am feeling a little vulnerable on a particular day, and oddly, mostly at the end of a long day, I will browse on the internet, looking for material solutions to a problem I am having on the property.  I call my property The Ark.  This name holds many beautiful concepts for me.  Sometimes I often have consecutive days in a row that are fraught with challenges of the nature that if I do not make the extra effort to stay balanced emotionally, to take the time and still myself, then it gathers momentum; and although it seems I have "handled" the vulnerability....it pops up at the end of the day when sitting in front of the computer I veer toward finding a solution that money can solve. Clearly not remembering the concepts of Ark......I should be looking within for the solution, not outwardly.

Almost without fail, I have found these purchases to be money ill-spent and cost me time that I could have better spent by stilling the emotions so I could see the correct answer to the problem.  This is where we learn, over time, to discern what was an actual need, and what was just a emotional reflex to outside circumstances.  In other words, we are also learning to discriminate whether we are actually looking for a solution to a problem with something needing physical addressing on the farm, or are we responding to an emotional need for instant comfort; which for many is buying something. Eating too much food is another way we can respond to anxiousness.

I will give you an example.  I had a challenging summer last year.  I am in the process of breeding out my own seasonal vegetables.  Common sense says that me buying seeds from a geographical region that is opposite of mine is going to create problems.  This is why I became so interested in the land-race concept (a later post).  No matter how grand a seed catalog looks - I mean we see nothing but perfect plants with perfect fruit, perfect everything right?  Do we really think they have no problems with disease, with pestilence?  We'd like to think that buying that seed will guarantee a gen-u-wine fairy tale jack in the beanstalk.  IT DOES NOT!  For a long time I tried to keep believing that if I bought new seed, instead of saving my seeds, well......how could I go wrong.  So I was not perceiving correctly a need from an emotional desire.

Perfect anything does not happen over night. I knew that but I just wanted to BELIEVE - LOL.  It takes a lot of Love, a lot of Patience.  Decades upon decades.  Luther Burbank went thru 100,000, yes 100,000 trials to come up with the spineless cactus. Hmmm. No technique is going to save you no matter what anyone says.  It is the Love, the Patience, the Kindness that you show to the land that will reap you the rewards and really, with few exceptions, no wondrous doo-dad is going to miraculously create a Garden of Eden.  It is you that is the cornerstone.  Not the seed, not the perfect technique, not the fertilizer.  You.

So....I just couldn't get a handle on this, I had successes then failures.  Even this year. After all this time.  I spent $300 on a vortex worm castings maker. What a joke.  What was I thinking?  I ended up dismantling it and using the different parts to create actual useful things.  It was an emotional response to the pestilence problem I had with seeds from a company that I should not have ever bought.  See how it can run away from you?  If we don't get a good mastery of this skill, we will always be chasing our tail.

My answer to this problem was to admit that I haven't quite mastered this skill yet.  I still have those days from time to time, and those lapses cost me money I could have spent wisely elsewhere.  I need new potable water hoses.  I could have bought 3 new hoses for what that darn vortex cost me.

One method that can help you master this skill is to wait.  I have a rule with myself, wait one week.  If I still think I need it, I reassess, then I probably will buy it. I broke my own rule with the vortex.  It was late at night and I bought into the PR of the the guy selling it.  Why is it something seems so convincing late at night that we wouldn't have considered in the noon day sun - LOL.  I know myself pretty well.  I actually do know when I should not be buying something I don't need. It is there, in my solar plexus....that anxious feeling...I hear it, I feel it, DON'T it is saying.  And sometimes I am not brave; I give in. I want an answer NOW. Buying this will solve the problem.....then I won't be anxious (laughing at myself)

I will tell you one more story, then its off to fix oatmeal.  I live on a mesa, the winds are often 30mph with 50mph gusts.  We actually, yep, here in the desert, had a tornado here a couple years back. Not just a wind whirly masquerading but an actual 90mph tornado.  So....a couple of weeks ago the wind ripped a 3x3 foot piece of roofing off one of my grow houses where I grow summer vegetables under lights in the winter.  Tropical fruit tree starts for the greenhouse.  I became very very anxious.  How will I fix this, oh my.  I am 5'4", 110 pounds, I will NEVER be able to get a roll of tarpaper and a roll of roll roofing up there by myself.  Fret. worry.  My knee jerk answer was to immediately spend $50 on a 12 mil tarp, thinking to myself, well, I don't want to deal with this, I'll just cover the hole with a tarp.

Okay, I know, what WAS I thinking? That the wind wasn't going to do the same thing to the tarp?  I am a very spiritual person...my life is governed in all ways by this spiritual commitment. I was having these visions of water deluge, leaking thru the roof, ruining the ceiling, well....you get the idea. Letting my emotions rule instead of knowing that this challenge had a perfect answer just like every other challenge that has come to me for the last 30 years.  So I calmed myself.  Had to return the tarp.  Still, no answer. I waited.  My emotions kept saying "its going to rain, everything will be ruined".  I told them to shut up.  THEN....the inner direction.  I was led to a product on Amazon that is a rubber roof sealant that you paint on.  I have used it on my RVs (storage) I have here but that stuff called Liquid Roof, can not be used on asphalt roofing. But Lo and Behold, they do make it for asphalt roofing.  Now, of course this is a temporary fix.  But then I got more direction.  I could now build the double roof system which is so popular in the Middle East.  And yes, I CAN carry up sheets of galvanized roofing.  See?  We can do this girls, we can.
7 months ago