Oh Stacey, I know those feelings so well "thrilled and terrified". I too lost a child then had numerous miscarriages and there's very little that people can say to end the hurt.
I totally agree that you should try not to live in fear of what could happen. That was one of the things that really helped me a long time ago and I'm trying to re-create the same state of mind to help me now.
I've had more than a year of exhaustion and pain and a host of other weird symptoms. Tests, hospital, doctors, more tests then, in December. I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Mesothelioma. That's a cancer caused by asbestos which has lain latent in my body for 50 years - when I was a trainee designer in the textile industry. What bloody bad luck eh?
Anyway, although I always said that if I ever got cancer I wouldn't do chemotherapy, the temptation to live a bit longer was too much for me and I'm still here after 6 months.
I'm managing the pain and accepting the tiredness and adapting my way of living to what I can and can't do. Like many of you, I have good days and bad days and on the good days, I read posts in Permies....