S Bengi

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since Nov 29, 2012
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forest garden solar
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Massachusetts, Zone:6/7 AHS:4 GDD:3000 Rainfall:48in even Soil:SandyLoam pH6 Flat
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Recent posts by S Bengi

What do you envision as some issues with cob house and hurricane.

Trees falling into the wall/windows/
The wind ripping off the roof
The rain "melting" off the cob off the wall that you then have to replaster
A flood soaking the floor, foundation and walls
2 days ago
What traits are you looking for in the cows, what price point are you considering, how would you transport the cow?
Have you checked out CL
3 days ago
What does she really want from you to be happy. Does she just want you to go out on more dates with her where there is alot of junk food, and for you to go on two 7day vacations per year. And for you not to tell her that she is fat/sick and needs to go on diet to be "healthier". What do you currently bring to the table that she loves?

What do you think she can do to make you feel happier or at least not worse. What does she currently bring to the table other than sex once in a while, someone to think about/see in the same space. If you were to magically find your "dream" woman next year what does she need to bring to the table to make you happy. Maybe you don't really need much other than sex and you just would prefer if she doesn't get all emotional and complain and then not do anything to fix it. Does this woman exist?

You promised her a married life of travel and eating junk food, being "fun" and then you did a bait and switch and became a monk, observing weeds and digging ditches. Then telling herthat her complaining about is no difference than snow falling in the winter, meh. You are the one that changed so can you just bail, idk.

Have you thought about going in the completely oposite direction aka instead of looking for or creating a woman that is emotionless and just like digging ditches and planting weeds, you double down and encourage her to be a bratty baby and you take on that dom role, heck even take out some handcuffs and hot wax. Maybe you could have some extra fun once a month when you go to a cabin in the woods on a trip. I see some really cheap planefare on spirit airline.

I do feel you on the whole conflict with money, thats the #1 reason why couples breakup, it's not cheating or abuse or religion/language, it's literally money/financial goals. So is it possible to sperate your monies and have her pay her own way while you save up your money. Would being divorce really allow you to save up more, how about child support and wife support, and credit cards in your name, and having to sell the house and buy a new more expensive one?

Hearing that we are going to divorce in 6days unless I lose 30lbs/change my religion/sexual orientation/love language/coping mechanism would make it impossible for me to sleep, if I already had sleeping problems before. ultimatums and deadline can have that effect at times.

The average american in the 20-40 age range gains 2lbs per year (40lbs overs 20yrs). I don't know if your weight gain is due to your wife or our culture or etc. but yeah trying to reduce/quit when someone has it in ones face sure does make an already hard job even harder.

But yeah continuing to be her "punching bag" doesn't sound good, maybe you need to help her find a new punching bag, there has to be someone who enjoys that type of stuff in their life. What if you have seperate bedrooms/houses/partners. What if you stayed as her verbal punching bag if she gave you xyz in return?

Will you just attract the same type of spouse the next time around?

How does your wife know that you even see her, and care about her? Maybe she only gets your attention when she says, I am going to divorce you. What if she "saw" you giving her attention when you found random stones outside and gave it to her as a pet rock/braclet/flowers holder. Encourage her to "retrain" you by using lots of  "I statement" e.g.
Hubby, I felt so happy yesterday when you got me that danelion flowers. It reminds her to be grateful, and also help you to feel appreciated. And you should do the same thing too. Wifey, I am so happy that you are out here keeping me company while I plant these lettuce, I know you have to head off to work in 5minutes but I still enjoy these moments, you already know that it doesn't take alot to make me super happy.  Give out the happy I statements as they happen as soon as possible.

Try to repharse negative I statement into an ask. I feel so empty right now baby, can you come outside with me for 10minutes and watch the chickens/sunset with me, It will charge me up and make me so happy, and you are the person I would most want to do it with, and I do realize that it might not be your top 10 thing to do. But I appreciate it so much when you join me.  

Heck even make a chore list that sounds like this.
Sex on Mondays at 9pm with a makeup date of Thursday and Saturday, both at 8pm
Chicken Watching at sunrise 3times a week
100% RomCom type Date Night the 1st and 3rd Saturdays of the month
$80 worth of cheap "girly" gifts from amazon per months that you give to the wife, about one per week (gifts can't be a better vaccum)

I know that making a schedule for sex and date night and chicken watching can make it seem less fun/romatic, but sometimes that is all that is needed, just a routine esp when folks are feeling spent/depressed/overwhelmed.

People do use the phrase "I love you" too much for my liking too. We have toddlers saying goodbye house, goodbye flower, I love you, see you when I come back from school. But the question becomes can we really expect love from a 2yr old toddler, does a 3yr old toddler really have the capability to even love, when so many adults can't even define love much less actually love. Also I love "all humans" on the planet in the most generic of sense. But do I really "LOVE" people that are 4,000miles away, the anwser is probably no, esp not in a meaningful way. I might also love my ex, in the sense that we mutally broke up and there is no bad blood, but is that really what I mean when I tell my wife I love you, aka I love you the way how I love my cousin who is in prison/my ex. Thats why I prefer I statements of gratitues. Blanket I love you, sounds even worse than, Hubby thank you so much for paying the water bill yet again for the 87 months that we have been living togather.
3 days ago
Black soilder flies grown in your "compost" sounds like a cool idea.
Feeding wild flies/rats to your meat chicken, sounds doable, don't know if I would do it personally. But why not, if you kill them might as well use, them.
3 days ago
I like your plan.
I wonder how much water you can intercept and filter clean from properties uphill of yours?
Terraces seems like a very good idea, to get access to the produce esp as we think about aging.
With the long growing season of Cali, you don't need as much land to get some nice production.

How easy would it be to get septic, well and solar setup, and then what are the rules for a mobile home/RV setup on site.
3 days ago
I've never had a microwave. I use the stovetop or a countertop oven (the toaster oven type ones, mines is even internet connected + fan + steam)
5 days ago
I saw the flowers and thought hibiscus, and leaves and thought okra. 100% in the mallow family.
Is there any poisonous mallow family plant? I don't really think that there is. I wonder what the holly flowers taste like in a salad.
6 days ago

Bigjared Cox wrote:Thank you, I feel like my horizons are broadening! What resources are available for categorizing plants according to those 4 categories that you listed (small berry being self explanatory).

Nitrogen fixer = legumes/peas/beans family (plus adler and goumi)

Predator/Good Insect attractors = strong smelling herbs esp ones that you can cook with

Soil Pest controllers = they help control nematodes, its kind of a short list Garlic family, Oyster Mushroom

Mineral Miners/Traders = Mushroom/Fungi Family, weeds with long/deep roots like dandelions

Smaller Fruit = Because I am in the city my main plants are only 10ft and so my smaller fruit is usually only 3ft or less. I do have a 2nd site in Florida where my plants will mature to 25ft, so my smaller fruit tree can be alot bigger. Some folks might even have 50ft walnut trees.
6 days ago
Is this just a 1acre site, where you will be growing most of your vegetables, herbs, mushroom, root crops, fruits and nuts in addition to eggs. Or will it be a multi-acre site where you will have fish ponds and pasture for goat/sheep/cows?
6 days ago
I usually try to include one from each of these groups

Nitrogen fixer,
Which could be a 9inch dutch clover, 100ft kudzu vine, 20ft Adler tree, 5ft scotch brown, etc

Predator/Good Insect attractors
Mint/Thyme family, carrot/cilantro family, garlic/onion family

Soil Pest controllers
Garlic family, Oyster Mushroom

Mineral Miners/Traders
Mushroom/Fungi Family, Deep Root (Daikin radish, comfrey/borage family, dandelion, etc)

Another fruit that is alot smaller. Berries usually
This could be strawberry, dwarf blueberry, blackberry, etc

6 days ago