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Billy Ditchburn

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since Apr 11, 2021
east central ontario
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Recent posts by Billy Ditchburn

Absolutely not an April Fool's.  The National Post article cited is dated March 31st for a start, and I know they're bozos at the Post, but even they recognise that April Fool's pranks are strictly for April 1.  It's not Christmas, it doesn't creep up the calendar every year.   Also, a simlar article came out in Modern Farmer on April 11 and was reprinted in the Smithsonian mag on the 12th.  BUT, I know it works because we did it ourselves.  Like Rudy, I have evidence, but it's on my phone and I can't upload pictures right now. But I'll post 'em tomorrow!,24%20hours%20to%20seven%20days.

Update - Photographic evidence - LIVE - from the instant pot
1 month ago
Knock knock joke for your enemies.
You: Did you hear the idiot's knock joke?
Them: No
You: Well, you start it off.
Them: Knock Knock
You: Who's there?
Them: er....
You: explode with laughter and run away
1 month ago

Sarah Elizabeth wrote:
What do you call a deer with no legs trying to cross the river?


First time I heard that it was a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool... to be immediately followed with what do you call a man with no arms and no legs and no head and no body?  Dick, of course, to be immediately followed with what do you call a man with no arms and no legs and no head and no body and a PhD in molecular biology?  Clever Dick, but to stick with the deer, what do you call a deer with no eyes?  No idea.
1 month ago

John F Dean wrote:I am at the age where I know I had a good time in bed if I wake up and the bed is full of crumbs.

Me too, but I don't need the crumbs.
2 months ago
We lived aboard a sailboat at a fancy Toronto yacht club for a number of years.  We had a couple of okay neighbours there, but mostly the people were intolerant, entitled, ignorant, rich old geezers.  They thought everything we did was crazy, from not eating the overpriced self proclaimed 'gourmet' food and tortured meat products in the swanky restaurant (it was all from Sysco) to threatening to report them to the government if they didn't stop destroying barn swallow nests on the clubhouse.  Which, by the way, they had designed to look like a barn.  

But the best was a couple of years ago.  Canada had offered asylum to thousands of displaced people from the war in Syria, and all kinds of individuals, groups and organisations were doing what they could to help the newcomers settle in, offering jobs, homes, food, money etc etc.  At our AGM that year, after a succession of members (and they were members) stood up to complain out of nowhere that The Liberals were trying to Destroy Christmas, my wife Kristina took the mike to suggest that the club might like to sponsor a family of Syrian refugees.   They could have easily done it. They'd just allocated thirty thousand dollars to replace the perfectly functional chairs in the restaurant ffs.  Money no object for that.  But instead, a weird silence descended.  It was thick, dense, and heavy, like peanut butter after the oil's separated out.  I've never heard a silence quite like it; the sound of privilege strangling conscience, maybe.  Nobody looked up, nobody coughed, nobody was even audibly breathing.  And eventually, the Chair of the board, having completely ignored the point, moved to adjourn the meeting.  Which seemed to wake everybody up and suddenly there were people seconding, raiding their hands, shouting Aye, and heading for the door.  Clearly, everyone in the room thought she was crazy for even suggesting such a thing,
2 months ago
What's the mating call of the clam?

<place forearms one above the other in front of the eyes.  
Open them, really slowly and meaningfully.  
Make eye contact with your audience; very important.  
Then shout, as loudly as you can, or dare

Djyerwanna fuck?

2 months ago