Even sadder than the knowledge that your husband does not find you interesting enough to talk to, something that just stays there as a depressing reality, and you talk to him just so he does not feel like a bore, is that he is that he is in fact trying to keep you in your place it is a stance he is purposefully not talking to you . it is hard to face up to the fact that those around you have tried to do for you. There was a film of a girl who discovers her father had been in the SS it is a bit that sort of discomfort and shame that you have to face contemplating this sort of reality. I married a beast and i have been foolhardy. . a cruel system has been put in place by the person you are meant to be loyal too.
Those who try to keep you in your place are not very open about it, Their behavior follows the same behavioal patterns that are followed with employees, the employer does not wants to actually insult the employee but you don’t want to let them think they can have an opinion about the direction of the business or be your friends, so you turn down proffers of conversation amiably but always, till the other learns not to try.
Classism is a cruel system. People who put in classism in place put in place activities like never telling the group that is to be imposed on anything, if they don’t know as much as others, then everyone will agree that it is only right and proper that they should be manual workers. O rlike denying their abilities or potential so its may be considered not worth teaching them or trying them out.
The boss needs time to read the
newspaper the employee does not, a boss would not keep up enough in the world of new ideas to manage the business if he did not know what was going on and also needs to keep in with his peers, you never know when they wont be useful for the business and that means in lots of circles reading the paper so they won’t think that he is stupid so they will appreciate him. The bos there for asks and gets a head start for practical reasons you may think he will be grateful for the head startn you give him, he wont he will call you useless for not reading the papers to though he was not going to wash the dishes and attend the children so as to give you time to do so.
I went to the shop in the village this spring and the shopkeepers wife said to her husband , “have you heard the king has a tumor, and he replied in a squashing tone of voice, I heard that a two days ago . She had let him know what was going on immediately and he had kept the news under his hat for two days, pig. It is only a silly bit of information, it turned out to be a benign tumor but still you look silly if you don’t know and men do enjoy keeping up with their friends and laughing at the ignorant, they do know they have done you down by keeping it under their hats though they pretend to do so innocently. I once saw that woman with a black eye.
I also saw her ask her husband to take some
books up to the house in the car, and he said no she could carry them, it was summer and very hot , I challenged him on this and he said he wanted to keep her exercised . she trudged up the village street with two heavy bags he went up later in the car.
Not wanting to talk to another person means the other person is a bore, People always want to talk to the interesting so you may conclude that they find you boring if they wont talk to you at all unless you have observed that they are too shy to try for anyone. My husband does the shy bit but he drops it if he is with his friends from work and with a boss even more so.
Refusing to talk also means that there is no discussing of activities, The typical way to shut of a conversation is to procrastinate, “can’t you see I am busy now”. Add to that the act of giving the woman a reputation of always trying to talk to you,so she is scared to make it look as if that criticism is true by talking to you and you manage never to discuss anything. Preventing all discussion of activities means that the boss can always do what they want, they can even pretend they are doing what the other wants as they don’t get to know what the other wants it was never discussed, my husband offers me two choices I normal chose the thing I know he wants to do and if I don’t he gets cross without saying why, that sounds silly but he does, till I chose what he wants, then he tells friends he always does what I want he is that complicated about looking for the moral advantage the advantage of Pretending it is always him who has been good. Marriage makes it easier to trick others, it is hard to walk out of a partnership, you have to face an enormous amount of criticism if you walk out, “what a tart she is, always changing boyfriends” or “she does not know how to stick at anything” and the same people who direct this sort of argument at you are the ones who accuse you of liking
domination if you don’t just leave.
It is often accepted that humans do down people of another group. Doing down your employees intellectually is acceptable or seems to be accepted by most, partly because you do them down to your own social group which is not the people they move with so you don’t spoil their standing in their own group . Doing down is an instrument of maintaining your position among you workers, it allows you to say, look I should be the boss he is not as bright as I am, you wait for them to say something that allows you to say he said this, what a lack of judgment. The desire to prove your superiority leads people to selective perception, they notice the silly things the worker has said and attribute the clever ones to outside influences. However it gets to be used in marriage, “look how bad women are at driving, my wife…” or “women don’t read instructions, my wife…”. or they are ignorant, my wife…” this is doing down where you are to enjoy or suffer from the same friends and doing down a person who works for your interests but does not get paid, the lack of money ties her a lot. I understand the behavior of a boss who is aloof they pay me to take orders, I find it harder to understand from someone who gives me no monetary remuneration and whom I am meant to have sexual relations with.
This is more cruel than the
class system. If you collect the stupid things other people have said you do for their chances of having a sensible conversation among friends- men do for women without even noticing they have done so. They also don’t notice when their sisters or daughters have just been downed either or rather downed so repeatedly as to constitute squashing the other. It is as far as I can observe valid that a man sees a woman’s faults with great clarity and it is normally considered disloyalty if a woman does the same to men.
Activities with friends who treat you as a person who drags along but is not very interesting, lose interest when you are the person who bores them even if you like the activity. How do people expect sex to go well under the circumstances that normally exist in marriage, with your strong silent male, to use the traditional way of describing their aloofness, for example.
There is no book on sex that is going to take away the dreariness of an activity shared with whom has done you down, no exciting no information from books like “the joy of loving”, do away that fact. It is my belief husbands also make love aloofly. So sex should be graded, rape, to aloof love making, to making love lovingly. I think that a positive emotion is conveyed even when you are only acting the emotion, so if there is no such feeling the other is not trying at all.
You may feel as if your husband is nice because they earn money or something on a rational level but the childish rule, he is nice he likes my company, is the one that is always real and if they can’t be bothered to talk to you well you will find no real gratitude in your heart. Only what your reason provides
It is not good for the children either, your daughter goes and finds herself an equally scornful squashing mate, she is used to it, she thinks that it is only normal that people should criticize her. It is so hard to decide what is a reasonable amount of fair criticism and what is someone keeping you down, is simply squashing. Your daughter will accept an equally crippling relationship, instead of thinking there is no way i should accept a male who is too critical or squashing and the whole sorry business starts again. Maybe your son sees his fathers elegant aloofness and decides to copy it, so it is not good for him either, in any case he will be indoctrinated about the convenience of maintaining a lordly distance from his woman or looking like a twit, normally the way to convince people to be aloof lordly and beat as in gain the advantage is to let them hear men who are nice ridiculised and to tell them that if they aren’t ready to do the dirty work, to mash others they won’t be able to defend and look after their family, people ridiculize and use moral arguments to persuade people to take on behavioral patterns, good and not so good ones. There is nothing moral or loving about marriage it is a partnership that is really a boss, worker ,arrangement with no recompenses that are a real counter weight to the disadvantages that it involves for the manual worker in the partnership.It is merely abusive. agri rose macaskie.