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If I were president. 🇺🇸 ✌🏼

 
pollinator
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After voting I seriously considered what I would do if president. One of the more pressing issues is how bad American music has gotten. My first act of executive power would be to secure a radio frequency. 104.2 The Dictator has a nice ring to it. I, your president would curate everything that was played. Grunge, Progressive, and 80’s power ballads would lead the way! Seriously, why are there no power ballads anymore? You’d also get a heavy peppering of Def Leppard, Keith Urban, Alabama and Jefferson Airplane. None of that Starship 💩 crap! On Monday, during the morning rush we’d have Angry Hour to help get you pumped for work. Once a week I’d have a podcast featuring a different politician. We could discuss and play their favorite music and make them seem human and stuff. What kind of ground breaking things would you do if elected?
Please, no actual political talk.
                 Regards, President Scott
 
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Amendment 28:

So that the sanity and the eardrums of the people may be spared undue and unjust harm, all sucky music shall henceforth be barred from the airwaves.

😂
 
Scott Stiller
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Agreed. That would be eighteen years ago when I turned thirty! I am, unfortunately still exposed to newer “music” when I ride with my wife. The stuff actually causes me anxiety and mental scarring. None of that mess on The Dictator though! ✌🏼
 
Jordan Holland
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I try to be open minded when it comes to music, but sometimes...well, I've heard not to be so open minded your brain falls out! Like you, not much recent stuff speaks to me. It's crazy, Goethe mentions the same thing in "Faust." Apparently, people have not been liking the younger generation's music for a long time.

I keep trying to come up with a funny law I would make if I were president, but nothing has come to mind (yet!). I think most of us could use a break from all the serious stuff going on right now. This is the greatest idea! No serious politics, just funny laws. I couldn't agree more. I bet Pearl has a few good ones up her sleeve...
 
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No ugly colored striped sneakers!  Neon green with orange stripes looks bad on everyone over 4 years old. Solid colors only!

But I'm already a dissident, I hate power ballads :D I'll start the More Jimmy Buffett party and run against you :D  
 
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I would make a law that every Monday morning people must arrive at work having memorized a silly joke. By silly, I mean just plain goofy funny.
People who stay at home will be put on a "Monday morning phone tree" to share their joke.
 
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about every 4 years I get a thought, LOL LOL LOL, that if maybe like, Eric Clapton or Jeff beck or Steve winwood would run for president at least we would have good music to listen to
 
Jordan Holland
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Jay Angler wrote:I would make a law that every Monday morning people must arrive at work having memorized a silly joke. By silly, I mean just plain goofy funny.
People who stay at home will be put on a "Monday morning phone tree" to share their joke.



But not too silly, or else Monty Python will get after us!
6982d83a25f23da4a9457ac67b96a855.jpg
[Thumbnail for 6982d83a25f23da4a9457ac67b96a855.jpg]
 
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Your poor taste in disliking Starship is overridden by your like for Def Leppard so I'll allow it.

I think there needs to be a twice a month pie eating day.

We also need nap or coloring time mid afternoon on Mondays.
 
Jordan Holland
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I have one: I would decree that all people who park taking up multiple parking spaces because they don't want their fancy car to be scratched should be required to park at designated spots as far away as possible.
 
Pearl Sutton
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Jordan Holland wrote:
But not too silly, or else Monty Python will get after us!



I'm a dissident again! I think the world needs a LOT MORE silly!!
Executive Order number 3,566,982: Creating the Ministry of Silly Walks and Songs  

:D
 
Pearl Sutton
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WAIT! We are Permies!! What are we thinking?!?
Require all new homes to have at least 3 fruit trees planted, of differing types, that grow well in the climate. All houses must be sited so there is good space for a garden (with good soil in it, not construction debris subsoil) and a chicken coop and good greenhouse are offered for very low price with all homes sold.

Some politicians promise "A chicken in every pot!" I'll promise "A chicken in every back yard by the greenhouse and the garden!"

Vote for me! More Jimmy Buffet! Silly songs and walks! And a chicken in every yard....
:D
 
Pearl Sutton
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Hm, that was too close to reality.
How about Emu Races every Friday night on the main streets in town? :D

 
Scott Stiller
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I see no dissent here. It’s what you would do, I’ve already laid out my platform. I may be a one term president because all I do is play music so it’s good that you’re ready. Unless you want me to play Pit Bull I have no problems with a request block a couple times a week. I am a man of the people and love my constituents! I will have to consider the issue with Starship. Mickey Thomas is a great vocalist but the overall direction of the band soured after Jane. “We built this city,” ehhh. Marty Balin is my choice because he also wrote lyrics, some of them a bit suggestive. Listen to Miracles and believe in love and dirty lyrics again!
 
Jordan Holland
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Pearl Sutton wrote:Hm, that was too close to reality.
How about Emu Races every Friday night on the main streets in town? :D



Can they have monkeys riding them as jockeys?
Staff note (Pearl Sutton) :

Definitely!!

 
Jordan Holland
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Pearl Sutton wrote:
I'm a dissident again! I think the world needs a LOT MORE silly!!
Executive Order number 3,566,982: Creating the Ministry of Silly Walks and Songs  

:D



I like silly! I'm just saying sometimes it must be flown under the radar a little...  I've also been known to engage in a bit of merry, whimsical madness every once in a while!
 
Scott Stiller
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I feel like we can take nap time, coloring hour and extra silliness into consideration. Given the fact that I’ll be running the radio station someone has to look after things. Who’s your Vice President, House or Senate? Who makes you laugh? I’m taking first pick on the Supreme Court by nominating Judge Harry Stone from Night Court. After all, the Supreme Court is nothing but a regular court with lettuce and tomato on it. 🇺🇸  ✌🏼
 
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I'd make it illegal to put more than 5 seeds in a zucchini seed packet.
 
Jay Angler
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Pearl Sutton wrote:

How about Emu Races every Friday night on the main streets in town? :D

Except in Alberta where it needs to be Wild Turkey Races.
 
pollinator
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Mike Haasl wrote:I'd make it illegal to put more than 5 seeds in a zucchini seed packet.



LOL!...... Following on that sentiment, I'd make it mandatory that all volunteer tomatillos wear chastity belts or "pondoms" (pollen condoms) depending on the organ in question until it was decreed that their population had declined to a desired level,---that level being determined by the keen and fair judgement of ..... "The Dictator".  

Naturally, I jest.....no need for physical intervention when simply playing 'grunge music' in the garden will result in all amorous affinities between so-inclined tomatillos ...and zucchini for that matter.... to be negated post-haste.

... :-)
 
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I want a chicken on every city council. Possibly could also be a goose or a duck. God knows it would make public access TV a lot more fun.
Also mandatory composting, with pig inspectors.
 
Jordan Holland
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Scott Stiller wrote:I feel like we can take nap time, coloring hour and extra silliness into consideration. Given the fact that I’ll be running the radio station someone has to look after things. Who’s your Vice President, House or Senate? Who makes you laugh? I’m taking first pick on the Supreme Court by nominating Judge Harry Stone from Night Court. After all, the Supreme Court is nothing but a regular court with lettuce and tomato on it. 🇺🇸  ✌🏼

I'll have to think on the other positions, but I think it goes without saying John Cleese would be a cinch for the Ministry of Silly Walks (or silly matters in general). On second thought, I think he'd do smash-up job at all of those positions!
 
pollinator
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Only those who pass the quiz may vote. If you fail the quiz you have to watch Monty Python "The Meaning of Life" until you can pass the quiz.

Immediately and until further notice the national anthem is Frank Zappa's "Pajama People"

Only red wine, strong beer or good brandy may be served before noon.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday are paid holidays. Saturday and Sunday will continue to be referred to as the weekend, unless I change my mind.

The English Shepard is hereby designated as the national dog, all hail the mighty English Shepard.

Ben Franklin's suggestion that the wild turkey be designated the national bird is hereby adopted.

Lawn mowers and weed eaters are banned, if you want short grass get a sheep. Sheep in the singular or plural are henceforth referred to as brenda.  

All sightings of Gorgons must be reported immediately to proper authorities.

The previous suggestion of afternoon nap time is adopted and mandatory.

ABSOLUTELY NO YODELING



 
Pearl Sutton
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Mark Reed wrote:
ABSOLUTELY NO YODELING



Not even... Chicken yodeling?  

 
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Missing out on a whole avenue of oppression: snack of the month! Every vending machine will be required to feature the snack of (my) choice! Brands will be forced to run sales on the snack during that month, and all will revel in my selection.

January will be dessert hand pies, to be eaten either at room temperature, or microwaved. Dealer's choice.
 
Jordan Holland
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The plural of "moose" shall officially become "meese!"
 
Mark Reed
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It has been brought to my attention that possible insurrection regarding yodeling is brewing. Absolutely NO yodeling will be tolerated in this administration. As penitence the instigator(s) and you know who you are, must immediately open a bottle of wine and watch "The Meaning of Life", after which there will be a quiz!
 
 
Pearl Sutton
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As the designated loyal opposition to multiple administrations here, I say "if no yodeling, there will be yowling!!"



Edit: looking at the name of that video, that person has never had cats if they think that's the longest ever...
 
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Alarm clocks would be destroyed. It will be too hard to comply with the daily nap requirement with alarm clocks.
 
Mark Reed
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Yowling is fine and encouraged as is howling.

The nation anthem has been changed to "The Time Warp"

The national mascot is Bill The Cat.
 
Tereza Okava
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YEEEESSS!

I do think there is a place for yodeling, as long as it is done by non-human animals. In fact, every time there is Official Serious Political Discourse there should be an animal yowling/yodeling. Each public figure could have a yodeling creature accompany them to do the honors whenever necessary, just like that Golden Compass movie where everyone had little animals that were like external souls.
thbbft.jpg
bill the cat
bill the cat
 
Jordan Holland
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The head of law enforcement will be Donny Baker. "IT'S STATE LAW!"
 
Jordan Holland
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Public wearing of rediculously high waisted pants shall be banned (by all genders). Sorry folks, I do not like them. What you wear in your own home is your own business, however.
 
Brian Holmes
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Jordan Holland wrote:Public wearing of rediculously high waisted pants shall be banned (by all genders). Sorry folks, I do not like them. What you wear in your own home is your own business, however.



Overalls?
 
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Oh Brian;
Paul Wheaton has grandfathered in overalls!
 
Brian Holmes
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I ain't givin' mine up! Besides, I need all the nifty little pockets.
 
Jordan Holland
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Brian Holmes wrote:

Jordan Holland wrote:Public wearing of rediculously high waisted pants shall be banned (by all genders). Sorry folks, I do not like them. What you wear in your own home is your own business, however.



Overalls?



Overalls are not pants, so they're ok. I think there should even be tax breaks for people who wear them. How many hoity-toity high-fallutin' people have you ever seen wear them? Just salt of the earth type people in my experience.
 
Brian Holmes
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Jordan Holland wrote:

Overalls are not pants, so they're ok. I think there should even be tax breaks for people who wear them. How many hoity-toity high-fallutin' people have you ever seen wear them? Just salt of the earth type people in my experience.



You've got my vote!
 
Pearl Sutton
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Jordan Holland wrote:
Overalls are not pants, so they're ok. I think there should even be tax breaks for people who wear them. How many hoity-toity high-fallutin' people have you ever seen wear them? Just salt of the earth type people in my experience.


Deal Alert: Grass Stained Overalls only $1,500
Well... or seriously trendy folks...
If more people wore overalls, we'd probably be able to make money by breaking them in for rich people!
gift
 
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