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!! Dez's Bootcamp Experience (BRK)

 
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POST 91 (DAY 97, Sunday, 2020.11.15)
[Morning Entry]  ::: Somber :::

Yesterday, I went out for a drive to recharge my car battery a bit.. on the way back, a trooper issued me a warning for a headlight bulb.. I've been pulled over for a handful of traffic violations like driving on the shoulder, going 10 mph over the limit, not having my current registration sticker, in the 20+ years of driving.. each time, it gets more annoying to have a personal vehicle.. I call this annoyance "car-tax".. ultimately, its my own fault for having this tax in my life; and yet, the universe nudges me again to sell my car.. how long am I putting this off?
    Usually when I procrastinate, that means I need a target deadline.. I shall set it to something near, but also not intimidating/stressful--BY END OF MARCH 2021.. (please feel free to keep me accountable! =D)
    WHY SOMBER?.. Well, the idea that I'm breaking some rules makes me a little angry.. and usually, anger turns into sadness for me.. in anger, I instinctively seek to retaliate.. but a moment later, I realize how hopeless is vengeance.. then I wonder why the world's people must pass judgement about right and wrong, guilty or innocent.. and I remember separation, which makes me sad.. "can't we all just get along?.." .. I'd rather be sad than angry.. rather be together than separate.. thus the somber.. or perhaps melancholy.. at least now I know that my headlight is out--its information, and not insult!

enjoy the pics~!
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Bread loaves.. never knew I could bake bread until Clayton showed me how simple it could be.. thx homie!
Bread loaves.. never knew I could bake bread until Clayton showed me how simple it could be.. thanks homie!
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Cold and gray driving.. we row on
Cold and gray driving.. we row on
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Tractor training Friday
Tractor training Friday
 
Dez Choi
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POST 92 (DAY 98, Monday, 2020.11.16)
[Morning Entry]

.. Such a relaxing weekend.. cleaned the house, baked some bread, hung out with the peeps.. Clayton did a tarot reading for me--my first time ever.. I used to think tarot was "evil".. these days I realize that belief was unfounded.. now I have no firm opinion about it, probably because I've established my own set of beliefs about how life works.. "be accepting of everything.." said someone who has had such an influential part in my earthly journey thus far.. so thankful for peace-spreading humans that have come my way.. who's been helpful to you along your journey? .. I'd be curious to hear your takes..
.. Also Clayton made bread from scratch scratch (except for growing the wheat himself; pics below)..
.. today, we begin the work week.. its 33 degrees outside, so really not that cold.. might be kinda muddy though because the recent snow is melting.. it means water for the soil, so that's pretty awesome..

enjoy the pics~!
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Out of the Dutch oven, Clayton’s hand ground, homemade bread
Out of the Dutch oven, Clayton’s hand ground, homemade bread
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Cooling for a minute
Cooling for a minute
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The taste of olden days.. Jean Val Jean would steal this loaf right here!.. so delicious
The taste of olden days.. Jean Val Jean would steal this loaf right here!.. so delicious
 
Dez Choi
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POST 93 (DAY 99, Tuesday, 2020.11.17)
[Morning Entry]

THE WORK (yesterday): AM/PM--Allerton Abbey, The First Wofati Greehouse, man~!!! .. cut out some notches, and built a retaining wall on the west wingwall.. its really starting to take shape.. walking through the slippery, sticky, muddy slush of snow and wet dirt with a 120 inch log in my arms was.. interesting.. definitely saw my life flash before my eyes a few times.. Working with Josiah and Clayton, in a team effort to stack the logs, proved steady and smiley.. we were joking about random things like air compressor hoses.. This lighthearted banter carried through in the form of dill-pickles, for a moment during our brief lunch back at the Fisher Price House.. we get work done, having fun.. we row on..

    Slept deeply last night.. Jen is on vacation, so the house is all male currently.. somehow I feel more relaxed.. growing up around females (4 aunts, 8 female cousins, 2 older sisters), I always believed I was more relaxed around feminine energy.. maybe I'm learning something new?.. Had a dream that I was working in an office.. a gentleman arrived to wait in the waiting lounge early morning.. he was there as a walk-in to meet with someone.. this someone ended up not being in the office that day.. towards the afternoon, we see this visitor no longer sitting on a chair--instead he's actually LOUNGING in the waiting lounge.. sleeping bag, clothes, food--camping out in our foyer.. it was Davin~!.. not sure what this dream means, but Davin was a visitor here at Wheaton Labs.. yes he camped out here, and I thought he brought the utmost respect and diligence to our community.. maybe I miss him?.. Davin, if you're reading this, HELLO~! =D

enjoy the pics~!
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Mornings vista
Mornings vista
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Clayton laughs on the retaining wall
Clayton laughs on the retaining wall
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Progress
Progress
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Angle 2
Angle 2
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Z has tiny feet!!!
Z has tiny feet!!!
 
Dez Choi
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POST 94 (DAY 100, Wednesday, 2020.11.18)
[Morning Entry]

THE WORK (yesterday): AM/PM--Allerton Abbey.. The First Wofati Greehouse, man~!!!.. (again).. we had the weather window until this morning, so logically, it made sense to be outdoors, moving the greenhouse forward.. we install the plastic layer at the southern retaining wall, as well as the northern side of the west wing wall.. Josiah moved some dirt to the respective walls, as well as creating a path for rain water to drain away from the building.. I helped with some videography..
    Yesterday was an odd day for me, emotionally.. I kept sensing feelings of inadequacy and or unworthiness.. but there was also a sense that these were not of my own.. sometimes, I think I confuse others' emotions as my own.. this season, I ask for the sensitivity to know the difference, and the wisdom to navigate either sets of waves appropriately.. today, i hear rain, so likely I will tidy the Shop.. after yesterday's emotional "battle", I think some solo-work time might be nice.. last week I got to peel logs for four hours solo--this was amazingly therapeutic.. interested to see how this next 90 days will grow and challenge me.. my goal will be to remain in the present through all..

enjoy the pics~!
 
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Congratulations on Day 100, Dez!!
 
Dez Choi
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Liv Smith wrote:Congratulations on Day 100, Dez!!


Thanks so much Liv!!! =D
 
Dez Choi
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Dez Choi wrote:POST 94 (DAY 100, Wednesday, 2020.11.18)
[Morning Entry]

THE WORK (yesterday): AM/PM--Allerton Abbey.. The First Wofati Greehouse, man~!!!.. (again).. we had the weather window until this morning, so logically, it made sense to be outdoors, moving the greenhouse forward.. we install the plastic layer at the southern retaining wall, as well as the northern side of the west wing wall.. Josiah moved some dirt to the respective walls, as well as creating a path for rain water to drain away from the building.. I helped with some videography..
    Yesterday was an odd day for me, emotionally.. I kept sensing feelings of inadequacy and or unworthiness.. but there was also a sense that these were not of my own.. sometimes, I think I confuse others' emotions as my own.. this season, I ask for the sensitivity to know the difference, and the wisdom to navigate either sets of waves appropriately.. today, i hear rain, so likely I will tidy the Shop.. after yesterday's emotional "battle", I think some solo-work time might be nice.. last week I got to peel logs for four hours solo--this was amazingly therapeutic.. interested to see how this next 90 days will grow and challenge me.. my goal will be to remain in the present through all..

enjoy the pics~!



I completely forgot to upload pics for this entry, so..
POST 94 (re-do) (DAY 101, Thursday, 2020.11.19)
[Morning Entry]

let me post the pics first..

perhaps the new system for me will be to post pics first, then write the entry.. since the pics/vids are what count as an entry.. I think that's how I did it in the very beginning anyway.. and then it became all about writing--gosh, Dez~!!.. =D

Community Living..
    the other day, I had asked Jen how her experience was as a caretaker for another person.. she mentioned how upsetting it was at first, being responsible for another person's inabilities/inactions.. How did you find a way through the upset?.. "Once I let go of the notion of what is 'fair' it got easier.." (paraphrasing).. this idea of letting go of Fairness seemed to stick in my brain like a.. well, a very sticky thing to another very sticky thing..
    In learning about and adapting to community living here at Wheaton Labs, I wonder if I am willing to let go of this notion of fairness.. for each thing I see as an infraction from another resident/participant here, I probably have ten others.. so what gives me the gumption to cast the first stone, so to speak?.. for example, the kitchen is the main communal area where errors are in the spotlight.. we all use the kitchen every single day and there's usually something there like a stray dirty dish, or crumbs left on the counter, or stove burners left on without an attendee.. these things happen.. but how often does it become my duty or obligation to pick up after "my brother" or "sister"?.. and how often is too often?.. how many times did my mom or dad pick up after me?.. are we each other's parents in a way?.. shall I consider it an honor and privilege to steward these kind people who are here for the work-trade program (rather than an obligation)?.. perhaps so, since stewardship is my modus operandi, after all.. say I do that..
    ...Say I clean that randomly left dirty dish--then the kitchen becomes cleaner and whoever did that dish got a favor.. but does this take spoons from me?.. and does the other person "learn their lesson"?.. perhaps this is where non-confrontational communication becomes the teaching tool.. and if we are to lead by example, perhaps then, this is the best kind of example, because it is likely to perpetuate beyond one other person.. perhaps this kind of kind act can reach two, three, or four other people, because it carries with it so much more emotional intelligence.. and we know that new learning of new habits really only happens when there is a strong emotion tied to the lesson.. the kittens respond to a call for feeding time "HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY~!!!", because they know that their hunger will be sated.. so is it a matter of hunger and not idiocy?.. are the people just hungry for good teachings through grace and communication, rather than reprimand and correction?.. so radical these thoughts that are entering my brain this morning.. its hard to love them.. but love is hard i guess..

Happy Thursday ^^v

ps. thank you mom and dad for picking up after me.. I hope i have the willingness to feed my brothers and sisters with the real food of loving unconditionally, and not simply stop at the self-centered thoughts.. as you did for me..
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Moss on bark at Fred’s plot
Moss on bark at Fred’s plot (wednesday)
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Love long and prosper on Fred’s plot
Live long and prosper on Fred’s plot (wednesday)
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Miss with rain drops and sunshine.. Fred’s plot
Moss with rain drops and sunshine.. Fred’s plot (wednesday)
 
Dez Choi
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POST 95 (DAY 102, Friday, 2020.11.20)
[Morning Entry] ::: Comfort Zone :::

.. They had warned me about the "Comfort Zone".. Of course, I didn't believe that it could be me who would succumb to such a naive kind of longing.. surely, I was past that stage of my life.. right?.. ha! .. Here I am today, seeking the comfort of my routines.. and whatever challenge it seems unfounded or irrelevant.. seems..
    Who is "they"?.. the millionaire life coaches i had a chance to be around during a 5 year period of my life, when I too was striving to become a "millionaire".. they taught me important life things/principles.. one of which was to "Be willing to leave the comfort zone.." .. in fact much of the success principles they shared were about "The Willingness To.." .. these principles hold true then, today, and in almost every arena I enter.. I believe, from experiential knowledge, that without a willingness to learn and or change, there can be no progress.. As a part of me desperately seeks to find comfort in my routines and long-formed habits, I must be willing to challenge the status quo of my own life.. shall I remain comfortable or remain in flow?.. either can be painful at times.. oh, example time--
    I felt a tug of war within myself when the scheduling for community cleaning was about to be changed from Sunday to Saturday.. I strongly prefer Sunday because then Saturday becomes a full day of no work.. somehow (perhaps irrationally) if I work friday and saturday, then have sunday off, it seems like a shorter weekend.. Does it really matter, Dez? .. probably not.. there's that part of me that wants to remain in routine and unchange.. I was reading a couple pages from "Desert or Paradise" yesterday, and in it, Sepp writes about the rage of water (around page 36 or so).. nature provides water with meadows and places to slow down around the edges of the rivers, so that floods are reduced or eliminated (I believe he claims eliminated).. man-made structures like concrete river banks allow the water to accelerate and create destructive forces that wash away humus and other good things.. water flows as nature intended.. flow is not man-made.. for best results, I believe I shall flow as water, as nature intends.. change.. progress.. growth.. pain.. the race is not yet finished..
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Zeek-a-boo! And Waldo
Zeek-a-boo! And Waldo
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Heart stump
Heart stump
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Morning view
Morning view
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Cubby progress.. teamwork with Clayton
Cubby progress.. teamwork with Clayton
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Fred’s plot
Fred’s plot
 
Dez Choi
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Posts: 209
294
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POST 96 (DAY 103, Saturday, 2020.11.21)
[Morning Entry]    ::: Adjustment :::

Thursday.. I got the chills and a crazy headache.. the cure was a 2 hour nap.. literal, physical core body temperature not regaining equilibrium.. it was pretty scary because I didn't want to miss work or have to ask someone else to take care of me.. silly, i know.. it was around 30-40 degrees outside on Fred's plot.. my knees were getting slightly wet (a patch about 3 inches wide, around each knee).. who knew that two small wet-patches to take so much of my core heat away?? .. this was also the morning I had decided to fast for the first time in 3 weeks or so.. usually when I fast on a weekly basis, I just move a little slower.. but the first fast in a few weeks or longer, will result in a headache and severe lack of energy--which is what happened.. after lunch I thought I'd be fine, because I ate a lot!.. the headache continued, but I kept working and breathing through the pain.. sometimes its good to meditate on the pain, rather than trying to eliminate the pain--at least that's the idea I was meditating on.. In a strange way too, guess I wanted to feel appreciation for the good of this place.. nothing like a mandatory 2-hour system-reboot to help recognize how much good there is to be grateful for..
    In the frailty and vulnerability of being human, I find a gentleness and humility that helps me to stay in line with my values.. if pride dares to take me off course, I must be willing to remain steadfast to introspection.. to remain willing to adjust my own perspective(s) for the harmony of the ship.. sometimes it takes time too.. there are specifics, but perhaps its too near to share publicly at this time i think..

Friday.. A tarot reading, after work reminds me of my recent rise is pride.. that was the first of seven cards drawn.. the last of the seven showed what I interpreted as "doom".. pride comes before the fall.. and three of the cards in the middle showed potential for fun things.. the other two middle cards showed me my power to overcome.. all hopeful signs, minus the potential "doom".. I'm not necessarily a firm believer in fortune tellings or such things, but I did think it perhaps slightly more than coincidental its relevancy.. =D

enjoy the pics~!
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Platform in bermshed for a shelf to dry wood
Platform in bermshed for a shelf to dry wood
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Pizza with Fred and Jaqi
Pizza with Fred and Jaqi
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Pizza Friday (aka pie day, aka Deep-fry-day) Clayton Josiah and Jen
Pizza Friday (aka pie day, aka Deep-fry-day) Clayton Josiah and Jen
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Walking onions from Fred’s plot
Walking onions from Fred’s plot
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Clayton and Josiah on sawmill maintenance
Clayton and Josiah on sawmill maintenance
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Clayton and Fred planning stuff
Clayton and Fred planning stuff
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Kitten planning stuff
Kitten planning stuff
 
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