Bob Gallamore wrote:Sounds like a "community" garden in name only. Whenever the focus turns to The Rules instead of The Mission, problems arise. At the same time, The Rules exist to keep order and prevent disorder that brings issues for all members of the community. It seems that most community organizations draft all kinds of rules and regulations about what you can and can't do and have no regulations on how to interact with other members of the community. Having a Parlimentarian and following Roberts Rules of Order can help prevent the types of behaviors you describe in your meetings.
If you choose to stay, it seems you will have to adjust your expectations and limit yourself to exactly what the rules state and do nothing more than that. Others seem determined that The Rules are their idol and will eviscerate anyone who doesn't follow The Rules to the letter. That appears to be the reality that you must accept. If you are unable to find peace with that acceptance, it would seem you other option is to depart from the place and find another way to garden.
Jen Fan wrote:
Easier said than done, of course. I'm sorry you're going through this
Edit; Actually, do you live here then? Or you're just a member to this community garden?
And how much is that bonzai worth to you? Can you distance yourself and have your partner keep an eye on the bonzai for you until it's dormant?
J Davis wrote:
Thank you for selflessly working and spending to make this garden productive and beautiful. Many have and will continue to enjoy the fruit of your labor.
Lori Ziemba wrote:
It means a lot to me. I grew him from a twig in a 2" pot that I bought in 1997. He has a massive trunk, and I'm very attached to him. My partner doesn't drive, so it would be really out of his way to go there and water it on his bicycle. I could probably limit myself to once a week if I were willing to let the corn go to hell. We get no rain here for 6-8 months, and none due 'till November. So things must be watered. I can let go of everything else in my plot except the bonsai. He's family.
Jen Fan wrote:
Lori Ziemba wrote:
Would it be too heartbreaking to let the corn go? It sounds like you might not even get any of it anyway if you do the work, if your pumpkins are getting taken by others. Can you really expect these people to leave your corn alone and let you harvest it in peace?
I dunno. If it were me I might reduce my exposure to these folks as much as possible. But I don't know all the details or the whole situation, you have a LOT to consider, I'm sure
Yes, I could let the corn go, altho I've waited so long to see it (it's glass gem) and it's almost ripe. It would kind of irk me to leave it after all the work I put into it. But I could. And you're right, they probably will steal it. I didn't hear it, but my bf told me after I left, the man told everyone it was a community plot, and anyone could take from it. Can you believe that?
I'm looking into another CG closer to my building. It's not as nice, it's right on the street, and I'd be afraid to keep my bonsai there. And I'll probably have to pay some kind of fee. I'm also thinking of putting some self watering containers up on the roof, altho if the landlady finds out, she'll remove them.
Hugo Morvan wrote: nothing you can do, but plant copious amounts of Japanese knotweed in all forgotten corners of their plot while they fly to Australia planning on how to push you further.
Catie George wrote:Sending hugs.
Gardens are not, or should not be, places to deal with not-so passive agressive community dynamics. Are there any other gardens nearby, can you get on a waitlist? It sounds like there maybe jealousy at play, and maybe a bid for leadership games that you aren't interested in playing. I got stressed just reading that. I can imagine, based on similar occurrences in places that were formerly favourites, that those experienced have sucked the joy right out of it.
Can you skip going to meetings? Can you change your watering schedule to, say, early mornings or late evenings until you find another garden? Could you mulch or add some of those plastic water bottles cut open upside down to decrease how often you are thee?
As a thought, all of the gardens I know have been run by the municipality or a charity representing the municipality. Gardeners had way less power, and therefore, no meetings, and a very defined power structure. Doesn't sound like your garden president is taking much of a leadership role
Scott Foster wrote:I would move on if that's an option for you. For me, gardening is spiritual and zen-like. One of my favorite things to do is a garden experiment that goes against the grain.
Tereza Okava wrote:
The sad part is that these groups that are so venomous are on the edge of dysfunction,
I am so sorry that your garden, the place that can do the most for your mental health, has become a stressor. I hope you find a new place, soon, and that you can just skip the meetings. I also am 100% with F Agricola. Just walk away, they're not worth your time. Maybe after planting whatever invasive weed you can find, spelling out some nasty words.
elle sagenev wrote:Sunk cost fallacy. At this point you see 23 years of work. That is your sunk cost. You can't see leaving it because of that. In reality, it is time for you to go. You can find happiness at another garden and I suggest you do!
Dale Hodgins wrote:
Give your fellow gardeners a choice. Kick out the offending couple or kick you out. I can see positive in both outcomes.
Jeremiah Curtis wrote:Oh my goodness...forwarding a little lovingkindness if wanted.
I'm so sorry for the loss of happiness in a much-enjoyed place.
It's okay to be angry and not-at-all-okay about all this.
Please be extra-good to yourself, whatever is happening?
(virtual hug, if wanted)
Rufus Laggren wrote:Not everybody enjoys to constantly fight, but some do. If you're not one (I'm not), you need to take other action to stop taking damage all the time.
It's important to _act_ on your problem. The garden, I'm afraid, is not your problem - the destruction of you health and well being _is_. I cannot really know what's going on because I'm not there and, truthfully, your story is only one side. However, I can hear loud and clear that you're being attacked, getting mauled, consistently and continuously and although in special rare situations people can "live with" that for a while, there is a huge cost and I hear nothing that sounds like you can justify continuing like that. Losing your temper, when, as you said, you rarely do, needs to be a red flag for you: Don't ignore it. Anger is a natural emotion, as good as any other emotion when handled w/in the larger context of one's life. It's a survival emotion. It cuts you free, for a brief span, from your ruts and habitual behavior. It can be very good for you. Use it's energy, and freedom - don't let it use you - and make changes.
Amy Arnett wrote:It's awful to be punished for helping!
It's an awful feeling when you do something nice for people and they reject it instead of thanking you. It sounds like you are being singled out. You can only fight/laugh-it-off for so long before you explode; totally understandable.
If you want to see your corn through to harvest, not to mention your twenty year old bonsai, wow! I get it. After deciding to quit school, I still had to go everyday for a few weeks.
Mandy Launchbury-Rainey wrote:You are being bullied. Bullies don't like being laughed at. Laugh at them or leave them would be my advice FWITW. I have been bullied several times in my job as a teacher.
Mandy Launchbury-Rainey wrote:Keep a recorder with You at all times.
Tereza Okava wrote:Hang in there Lori, and come here and vent if you have to. We all got your back!!
(and I love, love love the two suggestions to record everything. Keep your phone around cued up, record it all. I suspect you're right, they're jealous, and once they realize you're on to bigger and better things they are going to AMP UP their idiocy. So if you can't make a quick exit, be prepared.)
Lori Ziemba wrote:Well, I heard back from the other CG I was looking into. It costs $50/year, which is OK, BUT, you have to share a plot. And the plots are small. I looked at them briefly the other day, and I think they were about 4' x 8'. Which means I would get 16 sq. ft. That's half of what I have now. I'm gonna go back and actually measure today, but I'm pretty good at eyeing things. I doubt if I'm off by much.
So, I don't know what to do. $50/year is a bit steep to grow 3 cabbages and 10 onions. I'm going to the old place today to water, so I'll see how it makes me feel. This sucks. I even thought about putting some containers on the roof, but my landlady is a real b!+(#, and if she finds out, I'll be in trouble. I feel like a landless peasant.
Judith Browning wrote:
I wonder how things would go if you could just hang on to your original one plot and give up the other? Do the minimum to keep just that one.
Let them have their petty control freak positions and give them nothing, no reaction.
Do you have to go to the meetings? Possibly with time new folks will be in charge.